Tag Archives: manners

The magic word “no”

Children need clear, strict, and consistently enforced boundaries. With limitations and forbidden areas, they learn politeness and respect, get to know their place in the society (which in a healthy society is not on a pedestal, it is much lower than that), as well as stay clear of accidents and injuries. With proper enforcement of the boundaries, kids are able to learn all this at a very young age, more or less together with learning to speak their first language. In responsible societies, parents, relatives, siblings, and other people teach and enforce the boundaries using the magic word “no”, which seems nonexistent in kid-obsessed America, to the detriment to the kids, but also to the society as a whole.

American kids do not know what “no” means because most of the time they do not hear this word from their parents. If, however, a parent occasionally says “no”, he or she does not enforce it. This leads to two situations: the child does not learn what “no” means or it knows the meaning of the term but without proper enforcement grows in an atmosphere of impunity.

The best example from kid-worshiping America is saying that children throw food around as if it was an inherent characteristic and allowing them to do that not only at their everyday meals, but also in front of guests or in restaurants. Actually, kids do that only when their parents fail to teach them basic manners, and the society fails to enforce these manners in public places. It is very easy to eradicate the bad habit of throwing food. It is enough to grab the child’s hand, strong enough that it feels the adult’s power, but light enough that it does not get hurt, and say: “no”, “don’t”, “don’t do that” in the first second when the kid starts throwing it and every time it attempts throwing anything. It is not necessary to repeat the trick many times, twice or three times is enough for the child to kiss the bad habit goodbye. Kids are much smarter than Americans think. If proper teaching and discipline are instilled in them in their early toddlerhood, they will never forget it, just like riding a bicycle. It will become as natural as breathing air. I practiced it many times, at many occasions, all the relatives and neighbors as well, and millions of people all around the world do it too, successfully. There is no reason for Americans to be excused from using the magic word “no” in relation to the kid.

The same problem exists with obnoxious kids running wild and screaming in restaurants, stores, banks, or offices all over America. When in respectful and responsible societies, any attempt of this kind of behavior encounters a strict and firm “no”, Americans let their kids do whatever they want, no matter how offensive it is towards other customers or how much it disrupts other people’s work. Part of the problem is the parents’ obsessive fear that their spoiled precious snowflake will not love them unconditionally, but part of it is simple laziness and disrespect for all of the other users of the public space. It is very easy and effective to say: “no”, “don’t”, “don’t do that” in the first second when the unacceptable behavior starts, grab the kid, and strictly enforce it. However, American parents fail terribly to do it. Even if they occasionally mumble a faint “don’t run” when their spoiled brat nearly bumps into a waiter with hot drinks, they fail to enforce it. Instead of grabbing the kid and putting it on a seat to show it what “don’t run” means, they let it continue running wild, and the child does not even learn what “don’t run” means.

There are many, many situations in which American parents totally fail to say “no” and prevent their kids from offending other people, exposing other people to germs, disrupting somebody’s work or rest or from damaging somebody else’s property. They let their kids slobber on the produce in supermarkets, they let them take a bite of food from a buffet container and put it back for other customers to take, they let them destroy goods in stores, or let them yell and scream wildly on public transportation, to name just a few examples. They also buy tons of useless toys the deity kid requests that will damage our common heritage – the environment by ending up in landfills. They even damage their kids’ health by buying whatever junk food the kid wants, just because it wants. Saying “no” and enforcing it would not only stop the behavior but also teach the kids not to attempt it in the future. It would teach them that they are not alone in this world and that other people around them have to be respected. Unfortunately, without hearing “no” whenever necessary, American kids turn out totally rude, entitled and self-centered, unadjusted, and unable to live in a society without disrespecting it.

In all these and similar situations American parents use the excuse that they are trying so hard, while their actions (or rather inactions) show that they are not trying at all. They do not use the simple word “no” that would easily curb all kinds of disrespectful and undesired kids’ behavior as soon as it starts.

But it does take a village. It takes a parent to discipline a kid, but it also takes a responsible, participating society to enforce the rules and, if necessary, in case of a child’s transgression of the rules or a parent’s failure to impose order, to strictly require a parent or guardian to use the magic word “no” in relation to a disrespectful, disruptive kid. People offended by an unacceptable kid’s behavior should not be afraid to intervene whenever necessary. When the parents fail, the society has a right and duty to take action.

Adjust the kid to the world

In most cultures I know, a kid is born into a society that is set up a certain way and must adjust to it and respect its rules. In kid-obsessed America, in turn, the world is adjusted to the kid with all the disastrous consequences.

In respectful societies, politeness is required from everyone, no exception. Children, from the youngest ages, are taught and trained the rules of polite behavior in the society. Wherever they are, they must adjust to the customs and rules in force in that society. When, for example, a kid is taken shopping, it must respect other customers. There is no running wild, yelling, screaming, or bumping into people allowed. Any unacceptable behavior would be curbed and punished by a parent, a relative, or an older kid, and in these rare cases of parental failure, the disruptive kid would be removed by the staff, to an immense shame to the parent.

The same applies to public transportation, street, theater, cinema, philharmonics, opera, museums, and a plethora of other culture-related places. The same applies as well to cafes, restaurants, other people’s homes when visiting them, parties, gatherings, waiting rooms, and many more. All of these places have their rules that apply to both adults and kids the exact same way. When yelling is forbidden or inappropriate, it applies to adults and children alike. When sticking one’s snotty finger into a cake is a serious faux pas, neither an adult nor a kid should do it. If holding silverware wrongly is bad manners, there is no exception for kids. When a child is too young to be physically able to comply with certain rules, it should not be taken to a place where these particular rules are in force. Too young to eat politely? It should not be fed publicly. The vast majority of children in respectful societies are able to comply with all the rules of politeness at a much younger age than their American counterparts.

In kid-obsessed America, people fail to adjust the kids to the world. They adjust the world to the kids instead. The results are deplorable. They do not teach children how to behave politely in public places or in other people’s homes. They do not require polite behavior either. Instead, they adjust the places to the kid. Certain businesses are the best examples.

I was shocked when I entered a car dealership in New Jersey to see a huge playground right in the middle of the building’s large open space, with no soundproof walls, actually, with no walls at all. There were kids there making outrageous noise and their parents doing nothing about it. To make it worse, the place was situated right next to the employees’ cubicles. I was appalled to observe how disrespectful it is of a business to put up a facility that encourages disruptive behavior and to expose customers to it. However, to expose office employees who cannot leave like offended customers can, and make them work in these conditions is much more disrespectful. They have to think, focus, write, and answer phone calls in this atrocious noise environment. It is very unprofessional to neglect the customers, the employees, and adjust the business to the rude kids’ whims. The kids should be adjusted to the situation that requires respect for the customers and for the people working there. They should be required to stand still and quiet next to the parents in respect of other people, or be removed immediately.

I saw the same idea in many banks, in many locations, distant from each other, which leads me to believe that it takes place all over the country. The only difference was that the playgrounds in the banks were smaller. Regardless of the size, however, the behavior they encourage is unacceptable for a place like a bank. Both customers and employees have to focus when thinking about money transactions, listening to or giving financial advice or reading an agreement they are about to sign. It is highly disrespectful of a bank to adjust its premises to rude, disruptive kids while it should respectfully serve the customers and require the parents to adjust the kids to the world, in this case to the purposes banks exist for. It is also shocking that the customers brainwashed by the kid-obsessed culture do not protest and do not require order to be imposed.

Play areas with toys exist also in waiting rooms in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. This is even more unacceptable than placing them in businesses like car dealerships and banks for a simple reason: sick people go there. Wherever sick people are, silence should be strictly required and enforced. It is unacceptable to encourage kids to yell and scream in medical facilities where people are in pain, and the play areas certainly encourage this kind of rude behavior because it is a given that American kids are not trained to play respectfully, i.e. quietly. More than anywhere else, the kids should be adjusted to the world they are brought to in such places. They should be taught not only basic respect but also compassion for suffering people.

The idea of playgrounds in bookstores is equally appalling, although for a different reason than the same idea in hospitals. Bookstores as well as libraries are places that by definition should cherish an intellectual atmosphere, silence, and reflection that is associated with books. They should require respect for reading and knowledge and instill this respect in the younger generations at the earliest age possible. Silence should be strictly enforced, which applies to both adults and kids. All kids should be adjusted to the rules that for generations applied to bookstores and libraries and unconditionally required all people to be quiet and respectful in the facilities. Playground type structures that encourage rude, noisy behavior should never be placed in venues associated with knowledge and reading.

Kid-obsessed Americans have this ridiculous idea that a kid should be kept entertained in public places. This is wrong because in this kid-worshiping society kids’ entertainment is always associated with making outrageous noise. Kids should be above all taught, trained, and required to respect. A respectful kid is able to stand or sit (if there are no adults standing) still and quiet in a waiting room, a bank, or a bookstore for as long as the parents require and need to do their business. There is nothing wrong in bringing a book or a quiet toy, but the emphasis should be put on proper training that teaches the kids to stay respectfully still and quiet in public places regardless of having any entertainment. Moreover, the above examples clearly show that having entertainment for kids does not lead to their respectful behavior. To the contrary, it leads to disrespect and unacceptable levels of noise in places where silence should be a rule.

It is different in Europe, where places like restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons with playgrounds exist. These, unlike the businesses in America, are geared and marketed towards people with kids, which is what distinguishes them from other restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons marketed to the general public. These businesses found their niche and cater to a certain clientele, providing additional services, i.e. babysitting in a separate room while the parents are having an adult conversation over dinner, are exercising or having their manicure or hair done. These places clearly advertise their goal and services, and it is impossible to confuse them with general ones. Catering to people with kids does not mean that kids can be rude and wild. I know a case of kids being removed from a restaurant for people with kids for acting as rudely as an average American child. They were adjusted to the world and removed for violating the rules of politeness.

People should never adjust to kids on public transportation. They should never give up their seats for a kid (unless the kid is disabled). The kids should be adjusted to the world which requires respect for adults, especially the elderly, and give up their seats for adults. Passengers should strictly request the kid to stand up or for the parent to remove it from a seat whenever there is not enough space for adults. If parents want to bring kids on public transportation, they must adjust them to the world.

Drivers should never be required to watch particularly for kids released wildly on roads just because their parents are too lazy to supervise or train them. The kids should be adjusted to the world in which roads are for vehicles, and they should either watch for cars approaching or stay within the parents’ property. Most societies in the world are set up this way and only in kid-obsessed America signs “Caution: Children at Play” exist as proof that Americans adjust the world to the kids.

The kids should be adjusted to the world and strictly be required to respect the rules. The world should not be adjusted to the kids and by no means should it be adjusted to their rudeness, disrespect, and lack of manners. Kids adjusted to the world grow up to be polite

adults as one must never forget that ill-mannered kids (the ones to whom the world was adjusted) grow up to be ill-mannered, entitled adults. Customers should not hesitate to require to impose order and remove rude kids. They should also not be shy and boycott the businesses that adjust to kids’ rudeness. They then should inform the manager or CEO why the company lost their business. There is nothing that gets the business’ attention better than loss of money other than bad publicity, which usually also results in loss of money.

Defining women through procreation

When non-American women are introduced, their professional position, job title, education, and achievements are mentioned. The same is true when women introduce themselves. Whether they appear in the media or in other professional settings, they are labeled and label themselves as professionals and experts in their discipline, their reproductive choices not being mentioned, as they are something that belongs to the private sphere not to be discussed publicly. Americans, however, tend to define women through procreation. Not only does the media label women this way, but also women tend to picture themselves as mothers whether is it relevant in the situation presented or not. Also, the emotional term of “mom”, not the biological term of “mother” is used in relation to a stranger.

Some of the examples are article authors’ introductions in the media: Jane Smith, mom, wife, lawyer or Jane Smith, mom of 3, author, doctor, the term “mom” often being capitalized in the middle of a sentence. Where European, Latin American, or African media focus on the characteristics relevant for the information presented, the American ones not only bring up the person’s private information on her reproductive choice, but also put it in the first position, before all the achievements she had to work so hard for. Another example are news articles like: Washington Mom Sues the State Over (here comes the reason completely unrelated to her status as a mother) and further down the article mentions that the woman in question also happens to be a highly educated professional in a prestigious field. Why not a “Washington Scientist” then?

This way of defining women seems to be so deeply rooted in the culture and so strongly and persistently drummed into women’s heads that they do not seem to notice that there is something wrong here. While their European counterparts would protest against this gender discriminating approach, American women not only do nothing about it but also internalize it as a way of defining themselves, regardless of their scientific or other achievements. I have never encountered this approach in other societies, not even when talking to a civil society activist in a remote Angolan village who had a baby in a scarf attached to her back. She never mentioned anything kid-related in a professional interview even if her society is known as conservative and kids are very important in her culture.

American women not only introduce themselves or let others introduce them as “mom” but also label their cars this way. Proud Army mom, proud Air Force mom, volleyball mom, swim mom, gymnastics mom, insert-any-sport-discipline mom, are widespread in kid-obsessed America. When I first saw a bumper sticker “hockey mom” on a vehicle, I was still very innocent about the kid-obsessed culture. I thought this meant that the car owner plays hockey and happens to have a kid as well. When my friend corrected me, I was shocked that the person in question defines herself through the kid or as an attachment to the kid. All of us, not only successful professionals, have certain qualities that distinguish us from the others, like fast knitter, sunflower grower, or pet rescuer. If a person has a need to be exhibitionist about her privacy, it can be done in a thousand ways, not necessarily through the kids. At that time, however, I had no idea that in kid-obsessed America there is no life besides kids.

When trying to buy a book from an online book store, I was struck by lightning. A book review started: “As a busy mother of 3…” This one at least was not as emotion-loaded as the ones using “mom” instead of “mother”. But anyway, the book subject matter was not even distantly related to kids. At that point I skipped to the next one. I have no reason to read a review written by someone who has no identity apart from reproduction. People can be busy with many things, not necessarily by having a kid. However, it looks as though in this kid-worshiping society women were programmed to be walking wombs that do not exist without a kid and cannot imagine that it could be any different.

Another story comes from a supermarket. I could not find an item so I asked about it. I was told: “see that mom at that aisle? It is right there”. The salesperson labeled a complete stranger she knew nothing about just because that lady happened to be with a kid. Maybe she was a sitter, an aunt, an elder sister, any other relative or a friend? No, she was described with the emotional term of “mom”. If I asked the same question anywhere else, I would get an answer: “see that person in a red sweater and blue jeans?” or “see that woman with long brown hair?”. Not in kid-obsessed America. Here a woman is described as a “mom”.

The most shocking comment to me was what my non-American friend heard from a salesperson in a women’s clothing chain store in New Jersey. My friend is a highly achieving professional and out of the blue she was told the following about her successful career: “when your husband makes you a kid everything will end”. She was left speechless. Very assertive as she is she could not say anything in self-defense because in her worse nightmares she would not imagine that not only a woman may say something like this to another woman but also as a customer she did not expect this level of disrespect from a salesperson. The same actually happened to her in a doctor’s office in the same state when she was told something very similar by a nurse. Similar to my reaction to the bumper sticker, she was then new to the kid-obsessed culture and too shocked to act. Coming from a modern European city she could simply not imagine that a Western society can be so backward. Now she says she would definitely sue both companies and make sure that the two women would be fired.

What other Western society has an expression of “career woman”? In modern societies a career is a normal part of life for both men and women and no labels are used because there is no need for them. In this kid-obsessed society, however, women are nagged by friends, relatives, coworkers and complete strangers about their reproductive plans, and patronized or condescended based on their answer. It seems like in America uteri are public property, open for anyone to look into and comment. Strangers, instead of talking about something neutral like weather, literature, music, or art, nosily interfere in women’s privacy and reserve themselves the right to make negative remarks or even harass women who say they are not interested in procreation. On the other hand, these women are unable to defend themselves from aggressive interference or even are afraid that any self-defense would be impolite (and what is the intrusive interference if not a lack of basic manners in its extreme version?) and end up cornered and humiliated.

The American society needs to stop treating women like attachments to a kid and learn basic manners and respect. American women need to be much more assertive in defending themselves and more willing to show that they have identity, personality, and achievements apart from a kid and that these characteristics are equally or more valid in comparison with procreation.

American kids as the best birth control method

The cover story on childfree people in the Time magazine did what the childfree in this kid-obsessed country really needed: it triggered a lot of discussion on the subject and became an important milestone that contributes to a broad recognition of opting out of having a child as a valid choice of responsible people. Hopefully, it will mark the beginning of the end of the discrimination of the childfree. The article is somewhat shy in its attitude and a bit suppressed by the kid-obsessed culture, trying to pass a very important message without shocking the aggressive kid-worshiping crowd too much. Nonetheless, its importance should not be underestimated.

What the author did not acknowledge, whether because she is not aware of it or because she decided to assume the method of one step at a time and did not wish to be too shocking all at once, is the American kids’ extremely rude and unsanitary behavior that makes many people not to want to have a child. Other articles I read that followed in other media did not mention this reason either.

Childfree Americans, when asked by the media face to face about the reason for which they chose not to have a child, usually make shy comments like “no, don’t get me wrong, we don’t hate kids, we just don’t want any”, “I love kids, I just don’t want any of my own”, or “I like my life the way it is, no need to change it”. In many cases, of course, this is true and some people may indeed not have other reasons for being childfree. However, a quick glance at childfree forums is enough to notice that many people choose not to have children because the children’s rudeness and lack of hygiene they are exposed to in public places or in private homes is repulsive to them. They were harassed by the kid-worshiping, aggressive people into silence about it, but their true thoughts can be found thanks to the safety of anonymous online discussion forums.

Let’s face the facts: American kids are extremely rude, talk back to adults, do not respect the elderly, scream, yell and run wild in all sorts of public places, have no basic table manners, eat with open mouths, make a mess on and under the table, throw food around, keep their hands in their mouths and noses and touch objects and people subsequently, slobber all over everything, do not cover their coughs and sneezes, and the list could go on and on. Moreover, parents behave in a very unacceptable and unsanitary way by changing diapers around food, for example, on tables or in grocery shopping carts. This behavior is not normal and does not happen in respectful cultures but young Americans who do not travel or do not have immigrant friends cannot know it. This is what they are exposed to and this is what they think is standard behavior of a child. No wonder they find it discouraging.

Let’s look at it closer.

Public places in America are full of very rude, disrespectful kids. The level of their disruption is tremendous and unheard of in many other cultures I have lived in or traveled to. The worse of all is their ear-piercing screaming for no reason, as if someone was slicing them alive and also their running wild with absolutely no regard for other people. No, I am not talking about playgrounds. This happens in offices, restaurants, movie theaters, stations, airports, on airplanes, trains and buses, in stores, supermarkets and shopping malls. Even bookstores and libraries do not escape from this pattern. To make things worse, this behavior typically is not followed by any reaction of correction or discipline from the parents, businesses, or other members of the society. The atmosphere of kids’ impunity prevails, and they do not learn how to behave respectfully. This is not normal children’s behavior. Although in kid-obsessed America it is the standard, this behavior is not inherent to a child. It is the result of a parental failure.

All this behavior is easy to eradicate with the minimum of consistent teaching and training. However, I am not surprised that so many people got convinced that rudeness is in kids’ nature. If they do not know other cultures, and 99% of the kids they are exposed to are so rude, what other conclusion can they draw from the experience? No wonder they do not want someone screaming, talking back, and bouncing off the walls in their household.

Countless times I have seen kids making a total mess in restaurants. No, I do not mean babies, I mean older kids that should have been taught table manners long before. In kid-obsessed America, food scattered all over the table and under the table is nothing unusual. Parents fail to curb this behavior in respect of other customers. The stories of wait staff on childfree forums are appalling. These parents are also not any better in their homes or as guests in other people’s homes. Although this part I know only from other people’s stories; I am outraged by what parents and relatives allow kids to do: Throwing food around, at the walls and on the carpet, sneezing into a cake, taking a bite and putting that cookie back for other guests and spitting up food on the plate are only a few examples of horror stories from parties in American homes. I was appalled to read a story of an American mother who not only lets her kid throw noodles all around, including on the carpet, but does not even clean it immediately. She waits a day until they dry out and vacuums them. No wonder cockroaches are a plague in this country.

All the above is absolutely not normal childhood behavior. It is a failure to teach the kids basic respect and a total lack of respect for the guests. Children can be taught manners and in respectful cultures they get polite behavior instilled in them from a very young age. Moreover, every misbehavior is consequently curtailed by adults or older kids in the same second when it starts. However, how can young Americans know that if all they are exposed to is extreme lack of manners and no discipline? No wonder contact with children is the best birth control method to them: Who would want this kind of mess at home?

American kids are very disobedient, thus, managing them is much more difficult and time consuming then managing a higher number of children in the cultures in which they are taught obedience. I have never seen anyone in the cultures I know taking so much time packing their children to go out. I was never exposed to “tantrums” or “meltdowns” because they did not exist. Also, I have never seen parents begging their kids to comply with adults’ requests. Most parents I know manage their kids by giving simple commands and orders that the kids obey immediately. They get dressed, eat, and get packed into a car or into a stroller in no time. In kid-obsessed America, it takes forever because the kids disobey, throw tantrums, have meltdowns, or mess up their clothes on the way out and have to be changed. They are allowed to fuss about what to wear, what toys to take (and end up taking a truckload of them), run wild and yell, which makes getting ready a never ending story. As this is what Americans are exposed to, whether in person by being a guest, or in their friends’, coworkers, or relatives’ stories, they should not be blamed that they do not want kids. Who would want all this? They simply do not know that kids can be obedient and easily managed.

American childfree people often write online the following imperative statements: kids are messy, kids are rude, kids are disgusting, kids are noisy, and hundreds of other descriptive adjectives. This is what Americans see in their day-to-day life. It does work as the best birth control method. If this is all they see, not knowing that this behavior is abnormal and with the minimum of consequent (with an accent on “consequent”) effort every rudeness attempt can be eradicated, they will be abstaining from procreation in even larger numbers in the future.

Parents should not be surprised that seeing the disastrous results of their inordinate kid-worshiping incarnated in their disrespectful, entitled, and self-centered child, people opt out of parenthood. Instead of pointing their blaming fingers at the childfree, they should reconsider their own behavior, correct their failures, and show the younger generation entering their reproductive age that a child can be taught respect, politeness, and cleanliness.

Having kids does not cost that much, spoiling them does

I came across yet another article about the horrendous cost of raising children in America. It inspired me to write this post which is not in response to the above mentioned article in particular, but to all of the complaints about the high and growing costs of child rearing in general. Every time I read an article like this I wonder how does anyone manage to spend so much money on a kid that is not even grateful. Do people feed them gold flakes with diamonds? No, they just spoiled them too much with too many classes, toys, laptops, tablets and other electronic gadgets. There are two reasons for that: the culture of worshiping children and the inability to assess what is really essential and what is just another useless or even harmful expense.

American parents spend a lot of money on gadgets like hundreds or thousands of toys, fancy or too many strollers (new ones for each child), monster-sized yard playgrounds, inflatable castles, not to mention computer games, tablets, smartphones, computers, laptops for each kid, and other electronic equipment not necessary at this age. Does a kid really need a potty tablet, or a smartphone? I doubt it. If you really need to contact your school kid, a simple cell phone is enough.

Sometimes, driving by houses, I see this stuff, especially toys and strollers, laying about not in use, or in a yard sale. The items sold at yard sales will at least get recycled and some people will donate their stuff to charities, which is highly appreciable, but most of the purchases will eventually end up in the garbage contributing to environmental destruction.

What is the use of a new stroller for each kid if the old one is still in good condition? Why buy a new stroller at all, if you can take the one your friends have in their basement that is still in very good condition? Why buy tons of plastic toys? The Earth does not need more plastic and the spoiled child will not appreciate it anyway, maybe will not even thank you for it, throwing it in a deep corner of the room after two minutes. Why buy designer clothes for a two year old, or any new clothes for that matter? Your sister will be happy to give you the clothes your niece grew out of just a few months ago. Your daughter will not die from her cousin’s germs; washing them is enough. Are these items not fancy enough? Are you embarrassed to be labeled as cheap or poor? If so, say that this is for environment reasons, you will be called trendy.

Americans so often underline how they encourage kids’ creativity, yet they fail to involve their offspring in creative mending of damaged toys. They spend money instead of teaching children to release their creativity and make their own toys of fabric scraps, boxes or blocks of wood. My elementary school taught and actively encouraged these activities. I loved to make dolls and clothing for them using leftover pieces of fabric and yarn or making cars using boxes and colorful paper that would otherwise be thrown away. Yes, I was allowed and able to use a sewing machine at the age of 7 and no, it did not bite my hands off, I am typing this post using my 10 fingers. Why not encourage kids to embrace these kinds of activities?

Another issue is the price of food. How many times have you heard that food is so expensive, that prices are going constantly up and many people cannot afford organic food, thus eat unhealthy fast foods? I drive frequently around places with a small downtown area and large residential areas of houses with yards. Guess how many yards I have seen with vegetables growing in them? Zero. Z-e-r-o. People do not grow their food in their yards. I have seen four fruit trees altogether. Even these people, labeled in America as poor, although they would be rich in most places in the world, do not grow their food. They say they cannot afford organic vegetables. Can the nation really afford this kind of waste of resources? My aunt who lived with her elderly mother wanted to sow grass in their yard because she saw the beautiful lawns and hedges in American movies. Her mother said: Will you eat that grass? Are you a cow? They ended up planting vegetables, eating them when in season and making preserves for the period of time they are not in season. They were not poor, some peoples simply like to use resources wisely. How many Americans make preserves?

Why not teach the kids to grow vegetables? The whole family might enjoy doing it together. My cousins were required to work in their parents’ agricultural business starting at the age of 6 every day after school and after homework was completed, and worked longer hours during vacation time. I helped whenever I visited. We all enjoyed it. Now, as the older generation retires, one of them uses that land and the skills learned during childhood to run an organic farm. Her tomatoes are famous in the area for their delicious taste. Your child does not need to become an organic farmer in the future, but growing your own food is a valuable lesson of respect for work, respect for nature and brings a lot of savings to the grocery bill.

When people complain about food prices they also mean restaurant prices. Yes, restaurants can be expensive, but why not use them only for special occasions and eat at home everyday? No time to cook? Why not share the tasks with the kids, cook together and eat at home? It will be much faster if more people contribute to the work. You will also have an opportunity to teach them the table manners so many children in America lack terribly. By not taking kids to restaurants, you will not only save a lot of money, but also do a huge favor to so many people who, each day, are exposed to uncontrollable rude behavior of ill-mannered kids in those venues. Unfortunately, so many children do not appreciate the restaurant experience at all, and most of them offend other patrons being extremely rude, with their parents’ silent permission.

Way too often I see in public places obnoxious, screaming kids and parents stuffing candy in their kid’s mouths to keep them quiet instead of teaching them respect. Teaching the kids to stay quiet while in public places and to respect other people upon an adult’s request, not contingent upon a candy bribe, will save you money on junk food. You will also save a lot on dentist bills that can become very high, especially in case of children used to chocolate bar snacks to shut their mouths. Even if junk snacks are not used as bribes or as mouth stuffing devices, they are still unhealthy, as are sugary drinks. They can be easily eliminated, which will save a lot of money.

The vehicles people so often use to drive kids add up to the high cost as well. Minivans and monster size SUVs cost a lot. Why not use a simple sedan? People in other developed countries use them to drive kids, if they use any car at all, many kids are simply required to walk to day care or school, or to use public transportation, and their offspring usually turns out better raised. What would a kid need a huge vehicle for? Just another gadget out of the parents’ whim.

Private schools and extracurricular activities add significantly to the cost of raising children. There is no reason to exaggerate with using them. Kids really do not need lots of classes for all sports, all dances and two musical instruments. They will not become geniuses just because you drive them from one class to another and from one fast food joint to another in between and from one game to another all day long. Letting them play by themselves, together, without organized classes, and invent their own games may even do more good because it boosts the ability to think.

I understand that the cost of childcare is very high due to the lack of public, affordable daycare centers and high prices of the private ones. Public daycare works really well in many European countries. It not only stores kids when parents are working, it also teaches them social skills and corrects their behavior and manners when some parents fail. In America, there is a cultural problem though. Due to a gender discriminating assumption expressed by so many people that a permanently unemployed mother is the best for childcare, there is no push or lobby for creating public daycare and who knows when and if at all it will eventually arise. Until then, the cost of childcare will remain high.

Also, there are many other costs that can be reduced if the parents are spending money on these: Parenting classes, diapering classes, and lactation consultants. These additional costs are just another whim after all. Millions of people all around the world are doing much better without them.