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A few words on heavily armored precious snowflakes

A couple of days ago I read a very interesting and inspiring article about kids’ bikes in America in the 1970s. After a memoir of the brands and types of bikes he and his friends rode as kids and of the fun they had, the author states something very thought-provoking: “Bruises, bumps, and bandages were like badges of honor, and I couldn’t wait to display mine on my trusty Schwinn Sting-Ray.”

Yes, that is so true. They were like badges of honor, like proof of the fun one had and like evidence of one’s strength and resistance to pain and hardship. In many societies in the world, they actually still are. When I travel across Africa, Asia, Latin America, and even many parts of Europe, I still see unarmored kids having fun riding bikes, playing soccer or other sports. They run in the streets and have fun. The parents do not excessively worry about them. The only conditions parents establish for their kids often are to be back home at a certain time, to have their homework done, and the most important, to respect the neighbors’ peaceful living (ear-piercing screaming like American kids make is unheard of and unacceptable, it is a sign of alarm, not fun).

I grew up the same way. As long as the weather allowed, after the homework and the chores were done, all the kids played soccer or biked outside. The parents did not spoil us with even basic equipment. We wore hand-me-downs, too large, too small, who would care? Only one kid on the block had a soccer ball. When he was away, we kicked a can or a bag stuffed with a rug and had just the same level of fun. No child ever wore any piece of armor, knee pads or elbow pads were unknown, and we would ridicule them anyway. Helmets were for motorcyclists or construction workers. Our soccer field was an abandoned piece of land with two rocks on each end instead of the goals. This way we learned quite a bit of negotiation skills in determining whether the ball hit the imaginary crossbar and never had a fight over it. As a goalie, I caught the ball barehanded until I found a pair of oversized, cement-stained gloves abandoned by a worker. This was actually the only piece of body protection equipment any of us ever used. My gloves soon became a legend, even among adults, and I was praised for creativity. None of my relatives would ever think about replacing them with sports store gloves.

When we were playing outside and the volume was getting a little too high, the neighbor living next to the soccer field came out to bring us to order. All of us apologized and obeyed. We knew very well that there would be no other warning, that he would go to our parents, and they would make sure that we never forgot the day we brought shame on them. We learned and showed respect; thanks to the adults’ consistency in disciplining us. I cannot imagine an average American parent getting over him or herself and letting other adults bring their worshiped princes and princesses to order or make their kid apologize for any wrongdoing. They are way too aggressive and entitled, which is harmful for both the kids growing up with the sense of impunity and for the society that is exposed to the spoiled and disrespectful kids.

I am very sorry for those heavily armored American kids out there (knee pads, helmets, elbow pads) as if they were going to fight a war, not to play. American parents are so obsessed about their precious snowflakes that their kids became socially disabled and unadjusted. They do not learn to live a normal life. The parents are doing them a serious disservice by depriving them of a valuable learning opportunity. If the kids are treated as if they were made of gold and diamonds, no wonder they are so entitled and think they are the center of the universe. When bruises, scratched knees, and bumps resulting from kids’ playing become not only a reason to panic, but also an excuse to sue, this is a sign that something in this kid-obsessed society has gone seriously wrong and needs rethinking and reconsidering, at the very least.

Companies’ marketing experts skillfully tricked parents into buying all that armor and make money off of their obsessions. Parents had an option to say “no” and let them go out of business, but in their kid-obsession and unreasonable overconcern, they chose to buy all the armor possible for their precious snowflakes. Who will make money next? Therapists hired to treat post-bruise and post-knee-scratch trauma?

When I was a kid, bruises and scratched knees were a normal part of life, children were proud of not crying over them and parents did not even comment on them. Excess blood, a bad deep cut that needed stitches, or a broken bone were the reasons to get adults’ attention and go to a doctor. When a toddler fell, an adult or an older child did not run for rescue, but said instead: “did you catch the rabbit (a falling kid looks like it is trying to catch something on the ground)? Where is the bunny, escaped? Well, you will catch it next time” or “it will heal by your wedding date”. A child, starting to cry, calmed down instantly hearing this, a smile soon appeared, and it learned that a scratched knee is no reason for worry. No child ever wore any piece of armor and no adult would ever think about depriving his or her child of the valuable opportunity of learning life. American parents panic when a toddler falls, make a big deal about it even if nothing happens, and it is their panic and excess worry that actually scares the child and makes it cry. This kid-centered, overconcerned approach is wrong and harmful.

I was shocked to read about an American woman who brought a kid with a scratched knee to the emergency room. I hope the staff had a great laugh after she had left. I was also shocked to see a women in one of the American city suburb-like, quiet neighborhoods walking on the street with an approximately one year old child strapped to her chest and wearing a helmet. Why would a kid need a helmet is beyond my comprehension. There was no hail forecast for that day. Would it be to protect the precious snowflake’s designer hairstyle from bird poop? How bad does it have to get for this kid-obsession trend to reverse?

“When I was a kid, and so on….”, someone would say about the nostalgia of the good old times, right? Wrong. When I visit the area where I grew up, regardless of the development and acquired relative wealth, kids are still playing in the streets, still playing respectfully (no excess noise, absolutely no yelling), and are still unarmored. Parents are still reasonable, not making a big deal over a bump or bruise, and disciplining their kids whenever necessary. They still do not protest when someone else brings their kid to order, as long as the kid deserves it. They still do not spoil their kids with too much equipment. All items to armor a kid are available in sports stores. People do not buy them because they are simply reasonable and not overconcerned. They want to teach their kids life. My parents’ generation grew up this way, and they turned to be respectful, self-reliant people, courageous and brave to bring the change that was most needed. My generation grew up this way, and we turned to be respectful, self-reliant people building stability, success, and growth. The next generation is being raised to be respectful and self-reliant as well.

I am also pleased to travel to many countries where children have the opportunity to grow up learning life, not being overprotected or overstimulated, but are very skillful in making toys out of anything: a stick, a can, an old tire, are happy and joyful, but also respectful and well adjusted to living in a society. Americans would greatly benefit by learning from these societies.

The unspoken permission that allows changing diapers around food

In respectful societies, the intimate, but abominable activity of changing diapers is performed discretely, in the privacy of a restroom stall, a special room, or another place where no outsider would be exposed to its nauseating smell or germs. Respectful and responsible parents plan their outings accordingly, as to limit the necessity of doing it outside of their home.

In kid-obsessed America, parents not only change diapers in public, in the plain view and to the disgust of other customers, but they seem especially likely to do it around food: on restaurant and cafe tables, on park tables commonly used by nearby office employees to eat lunch on, in airport food courts, on counters, or in grocery store shopping carts.

The first time I have seen (and especially smelled) changing a diaper in public was in an upscale department store’s restroom, where a changing table was located in plain view of other users of the said facility, without a stall. I was nauseated all day long after this experience. In the months to come, I learned that installing baby changing stations without stalls is a common practice of American businesses oblivious to the disgust of other customers using the same restroom. I was shocked! I do my business discretely and respectfully in private in a stall designated for it. Baby poop does not smell like roses either, and its place should be in a stall as well. However, the worst was only about to come. In the restrooms, there is at least no food.

I was left speechless when I first saw a woman changing a baby on a table in a restaurant in Manhattan. Luckily, I was not inside; I was just walking by, looking into display windows with my usual curiosity. The people inside did not react, neither did the staff watching the show from a distance from which it was impossible to miss. The other customers’ faces did not look too pleased, on some of them I could actually see disgust, but they did nothing. There was another lesson for me to learn later on: that people are too afraid to point out the rudeness, harassed into silence by parents’ hostility when their unacceptable behavior does get pointed out.

Overall, I saw diaper changing on tables or a parent putting a kid wearing a diaper only (no pants) on a counter where food is served, around twenty times. Manhattan is not the only place where I saw it, and white, wealthy people (assuming by their dress) are not the only violators, although they slightly prevail in number over people of all other ethnicities and income ranges in the multiple states that I saw this happen. Nobody ever protested. When I told my non-American friends about it, they were outraged and most of them said they would never visit this unsanitary country.

The most shocking fact is that it happens also in those places where you could get to only by car, which means all customers have a vehicle to do it in, yet they choose to disrespect other patrons and expose them to a health hazard. Also, it mostly happens in entertainment places like cafes or restaurants where people go for pleasure rather than for a life saving service, which means disrespectful people with little kids have no emergency to stay in these places, and if they do, they must respect other patrons.

A recent (a few weeks ago) situation of changing a diaper at a cafe is also a good example. A woman was changing a kid in the dining area. The staff, instead of strictly requiring this couple to leave immediately, gave them a rag to clean up but let them stay. The kid’s father became aggressive and the police had to be called. The media covered the case widely but no article ever mentioned whether any of the other customers left offended, which leads me to believe that, as usual, they stayed and did nothing. The management totally failed in handling the problem. They apologized to the violator couple instead apologizing publicly to other customers that were exposed to this disgusting show. I was astonished to read the comments under the articles: the overwhelming majority of them came from people disgusted by the idea of changing diapers in a dining area, many of them parents of young children who declared that they would never do that. Why don’t they then protest when something that unacceptable happens?

Another problem is kids in diapers (the idea of not putting pants on a kid taken to a public place is disgusting by itself and hot weather is not an excuse) in grocery stores’ shopping carts. A surprise can fall out of the diaper at any moment and the scientists verified that in way too many cases it indeed does. According to the research done by the University of Arizona, fecal bacteria were found in 72% of the carts. Pictures of people changing diapers in shopping carts can be found online. Other customers are clearly disgusted by this habit, yet they prefer to take a picture and post it in the Internet rather than bring the problem to the attention of the store management and require them to remove the parent as well as to report a health hazard to proper authorities. The stores do not clean the carts. They offer disinfectant wipes as an excuse, thus, implicitly telling their customers: be our free cleaners, wipe other people’s kids’ fecal matter. This is simply unacceptable.

I have never seen this kind of parents’ behavior in any other country, not even in those countries where most people use public transportation, thus have no car to change the baby in. They simply plan their outings between changing needs, leave the kid at home or in day care, or invite their friends home instead of going to a cafe. In America, where most people go everywhere by car, it is unacceptable that changing diapers around food happens. No changing table at a restaurant is a poor excuse; parents should call in advance and check whether the venue offers the facility or not. They should also stop their entitlement approach and remember that changing stations are offered by businesses as a courtesy, not a must. If it is not available, that means the business caters more to adult clientele and this choice should be respected.

Changing diapers around food as well as installing changing stations without stalls should be illegal. It is a serious health hazard. There should be high fines imposed for it on both the parents and the companies on whose premises this happens. Businesses should remove unsanitary people with unsanitary kids as a minimum care for their customers’ health, and as a minimum of respect for them.

The most appalling point of this story is that people are disgusted by the practice of changing diapers around food, yet they give the unspoken permission to do it by not protesting whenever they find themselves around it. If you do not protest, you are contributing to this unacceptable behavior. You should reprimand the restaurant or cafe management, strictly require them to remove the violating parent and inform them that you will never spend money there again. There is nothing that hurts the businesses more then losing profit, and treating your credit card as your voter’s card is the best you can do.

Also, report a health hazard to proper authorities. They differ from state to state. The office can be located under either health, business, or agriculture departments. The easiest way to find them is to Google: “how to report unsanitary conditions + your state”. They often have easy to fill online report forms, or special phone numbers for reporting. Do not forget that someone’s health may depend on your report.

Do not shy away, do not let belligerent parents harass you into silence, do not fall into unjustified guilt. You are not doing anything wrong: it is the parent who is the wrongdoer. Protesting against or reporting changing diapers around food is no different than reporting theft – it is your clear “no” said to wrongdoing. Do not give your unspoken permission for unsanitary and inconsiderate behavior in public places.