Tag Archives: respect

Adjust the kid to the world

In most cultures I know, a kid is born into a society that is set up a certain way and must adjust to it and respect its rules. In kid-obsessed America, in turn, the world is adjusted to the kid with all the disastrous consequences.

In respectful societies, politeness is required from everyone, no exception. Children, from the youngest ages, are taught and trained the rules of polite behavior in the society. Wherever they are, they must adjust to the customs and rules in force in that society. When, for example, a kid is taken shopping, it must respect other customers. There is no running wild, yelling, screaming, or bumping into people allowed. Any unacceptable behavior would be curbed and punished by a parent, a relative, or an older kid, and in these rare cases of parental failure, the disruptive kid would be removed by the staff, to an immense shame to the parent.

The same applies to public transportation, street, theater, cinema, philharmonics, opera, museums, and a plethora of other culture-related places. The same applies as well to cafes, restaurants, other people’s homes when visiting them, parties, gatherings, waiting rooms, and many more. All of these places have their rules that apply to both adults and kids the exact same way. When yelling is forbidden or inappropriate, it applies to adults and children alike. When sticking one’s snotty finger into a cake is a serious faux pas, neither an adult nor a kid should do it. If holding silverware wrongly is bad manners, there is no exception for kids. When a child is too young to be physically able to comply with certain rules, it should not be taken to a place where these particular rules are in force. Too young to eat politely? It should not be fed publicly. The vast majority of children in respectful societies are able to comply with all the rules of politeness at a much younger age than their American counterparts.

In kid-obsessed America, people fail to adjust the kids to the world. They adjust the world to the kids instead. The results are deplorable. They do not teach children how to behave politely in public places or in other people’s homes. They do not require polite behavior either. Instead, they adjust the places to the kid. Certain businesses are the best examples.

I was shocked when I entered a car dealership in New Jersey to see a huge playground right in the middle of the building’s large open space, with no soundproof walls, actually, with no walls at all. There were kids there making outrageous noise and their parents doing nothing about it. To make it worse, the place was situated right next to the employees’ cubicles. I was appalled to observe how disrespectful it is of a business to put up a facility that encourages disruptive behavior and to expose customers to it. However, to expose office employees who cannot leave like offended customers can, and make them work in these conditions is much more disrespectful. They have to think, focus, write, and answer phone calls in this atrocious noise environment. It is very unprofessional to neglect the customers, the employees, and adjust the business to the rude kids’ whims. The kids should be adjusted to the situation that requires respect for the customers and for the people working there. They should be required to stand still and quiet next to the parents in respect of other people, or be removed immediately.

I saw the same idea in many banks, in many locations, distant from each other, which leads me to believe that it takes place all over the country. The only difference was that the playgrounds in the banks were smaller. Regardless of the size, however, the behavior they encourage is unacceptable for a place like a bank. Both customers and employees have to focus when thinking about money transactions, listening to or giving financial advice or reading an agreement they are about to sign. It is highly disrespectful of a bank to adjust its premises to rude, disruptive kids while it should respectfully serve the customers and require the parents to adjust the kids to the world, in this case to the purposes banks exist for. It is also shocking that the customers brainwashed by the kid-obsessed culture do not protest and do not require order to be imposed.

Play areas with toys exist also in waiting rooms in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. This is even more unacceptable than placing them in businesses like car dealerships and banks for a simple reason: sick people go there. Wherever sick people are, silence should be strictly required and enforced. It is unacceptable to encourage kids to yell and scream in medical facilities where people are in pain, and the play areas certainly encourage this kind of rude behavior because it is a given that American kids are not trained to play respectfully, i.e. quietly. More than anywhere else, the kids should be adjusted to the world they are brought to in such places. They should be taught not only basic respect but also compassion for suffering people.

The idea of playgrounds in bookstores is equally appalling, although for a different reason than the same idea in hospitals. Bookstores as well as libraries are places that by definition should cherish an intellectual atmosphere, silence, and reflection that is associated with books. They should require respect for reading and knowledge and instill this respect in the younger generations at the earliest age possible. Silence should be strictly enforced, which applies to both adults and kids. All kids should be adjusted to the rules that for generations applied to bookstores and libraries and unconditionally required all people to be quiet and respectful in the facilities. Playground type structures that encourage rude, noisy behavior should never be placed in venues associated with knowledge and reading.

Kid-obsessed Americans have this ridiculous idea that a kid should be kept entertained in public places. This is wrong because in this kid-worshiping society kids’ entertainment is always associated with making outrageous noise. Kids should be above all taught, trained, and required to respect. A respectful kid is able to stand or sit (if there are no adults standing) still and quiet in a waiting room, a bank, or a bookstore for as long as the parents require and need to do their business. There is nothing wrong in bringing a book or a quiet toy, but the emphasis should be put on proper training that teaches the kids to stay respectfully still and quiet in public places regardless of having any entertainment. Moreover, the above examples clearly show that having entertainment for kids does not lead to their respectful behavior. To the contrary, it leads to disrespect and unacceptable levels of noise in places where silence should be a rule.

It is different in Europe, where places like restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons with playgrounds exist. These, unlike the businesses in America, are geared and marketed towards people with kids, which is what distinguishes them from other restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons marketed to the general public. These businesses found their niche and cater to a certain clientele, providing additional services, i.e. babysitting in a separate room while the parents are having an adult conversation over dinner, are exercising or having their manicure or hair done. These places clearly advertise their goal and services, and it is impossible to confuse them with general ones. Catering to people with kids does not mean that kids can be rude and wild. I know a case of kids being removed from a restaurant for people with kids for acting as rudely as an average American child. They were adjusted to the world and removed for violating the rules of politeness.

People should never adjust to kids on public transportation. They should never give up their seats for a kid (unless the kid is disabled). The kids should be adjusted to the world which requires respect for adults, especially the elderly, and give up their seats for adults. Passengers should strictly request the kid to stand up or for the parent to remove it from a seat whenever there is not enough space for adults. If parents want to bring kids on public transportation, they must adjust them to the world.

Drivers should never be required to watch particularly for kids released wildly on roads just because their parents are too lazy to supervise or train them. The kids should be adjusted to the world in which roads are for vehicles, and they should either watch for cars approaching or stay within the parents’ property. Most societies in the world are set up this way and only in kid-obsessed America signs “Caution: Children at Play” exist as proof that Americans adjust the world to the kids.

The kids should be adjusted to the world and strictly be required to respect the rules. The world should not be adjusted to the kids and by no means should it be adjusted to their rudeness, disrespect, and lack of manners. Kids adjusted to the world grow up to be polite

adults as one must never forget that ill-mannered kids (the ones to whom the world was adjusted) grow up to be ill-mannered, entitled adults. Customers should not hesitate to require to impose order and remove rude kids. They should also not be shy and boycott the businesses that adjust to kids’ rudeness. They then should inform the manager or CEO why the company lost their business. There is nothing that gets the business’ attention better than loss of money other than bad publicity, which usually also results in loss of money.

The “trying hard” excuse

There is a new fad promoted recently by the media in a very importunate way. It appears its goal is to make people accept extreme rudeness when it comes from a kid or a parent or to manipulate them into feeling guilty whenever they require the minimum of respect in public places. Its main message is that parents try so hard to make their kids respectful in public places like churches or supermarkets, and they should be praised for the simple fact that they have a kid instead of being brought to order for failure to make the said kid respect other users of the public space. Parents try so hard? Let’s look at it closer.

In kid-obsessed America, all sorts of public places are full of extremely rude kids running wild, yelling, screaming, throwing food all over restaurant dining rooms, bumping into people in stores or on the street, slobbering food products that are subsequently sold to unaware customers and doing so as they enjoy unlimited impunity. They are always accompanied by an adult, in most of the cases a parent or both of them, but get away with all kinds of unacceptable behavior simply because these parents do absolutely nothing to enforce respect and politeness. They do not “try hard”, they do not try at all. Even the fact that these kids are so rude tells a lot about their parents: they do nothing to raise their kids, to teach them basic respect and manners, or to discipline them before bringing their bundles of germs to public places.

I am pretty sure that everyone who has lived in kid-obsessed America for some time saw, and especially heard, outrageously rude kids in restaurants running through the aisles, throwing food around, sticking their snotty fingers into other customers’ food, or into buffet containers,  accosting other patrons for attention, and above all screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. These kids do not go to restaurants alone. They are brought there by their parents, and these parents have a duty to control their children. Out of countless times of seeing unacceptably rude kids in restaurants, I have never seen a single case of a parent trying to discipline the kid for any type of rudeness and make it behave respectfully. I do not even mention any trying “hard” because they were not trying at all. They were enjoying themselves, selfishly oblivious to their ill-mannered progeny disrespecting other patrons and ruining their evening out.

In respectful cultures, these problems usually do not happen because responsible parents teach their kids manners before bringing them out. If, however, as an exception, a kid is trying to be rude, the parents bring it to order immediately, in the same second when the unacceptable behavior starts, and this includes removing it from the premises instantly to end other people’s exposure to it. This is the most efficient way of teaching a kid what is unacceptable: curb the behavior in the same second when it starts. The kid will most likely never do it again. However, American parents never try to bring their rude kid to order, even if they claim they are “trying hard”. There should be no mercy and no excuse for them. They should be strictly required by the business to leave immediately if they do not want to respect other people. Respectful customers should strictly require the restaurant to remove them or cancel their orders and leave.

Another example that most likely everyone has seen is extremely rude kids on planes, yelling, running wild up and down the aisles, kicking the seats in front of them, or slobbering other passengers with their hands sticky of saliva. As a frequent flyer, I have never, not even once, seen a parent discipline his or her kid for doing any of the above. They not only do nothing to bring the kid to order, but also become extremely aggressive when requested to do so by an offended passenger or by a flight attendant. They use their “it’s just a kid” or “kids will be kids” excuses and belligerently defend their precious snowflake’s usurped “right” to be rude. Respectful kids of respectful parents do not scream or kick other people’s seats and if they exceptionally try to do it, they are curbed by the parent in the same second when they start.

The most egregious American kid’s behavior I witnessed on a plane was the one that was screaming and yelling aggressively, jumping like a monkey on the back of the seat in front of it every ten or so seconds hitting the passenger sitting there on his head, and beating (!!!) its parents. The parents seemed so proud of the offspring they produced that when given “the look” by many passengers, returned plastic smiles with messages on their faces saying “just look at what a miraculous wonder we produced”. They obviously did nothing to end the appalling behavior. They did not “try hard”, they did not try at all. They were so infatuated with their obnoxious brat that they seemed to want to force it on everyone around. I required the flight attendant to impose order, and only thanks to her intervention all the wild behavior ended.

Kids acting in an unacceptable way in supermarkets and stores are also a common view in kid-obsessed America. Screaming wildly, slobbering on the produce, throwing objects, destroying goods, running wild, and bumping into people is unacceptable but widespread. The lazy, oblivious parents ignore their offspring’s behavior completely. They do not “try hard”, they do not try at all. If they had the minimum of respect for other shoppers, they would have curtailed the unacceptable behavior immediately, or taken the kid outside and brought it to order there. However, they are too entitled to do it. They selfishly continue shopping and make it not only miserable for everyone else but also cause a health hazard for people who buy the products with their kid’s saliva, snots, and germs on them.

Also, in American churches kids behave in an unacceptable way, similar to the behavior anywhere else as described above. Their parents fail to teach them respect, to discipline them, or to remove them. Again, they do not “try hard”, they do not try at all. The purpose of a church service is a respectful and pensive worship of whichever God one believes in. Church services are not to worship a kid deity (other than baby Jesus in the case of Christians), or to succumb to its whims and get exposed to its unacceptable behavior and germs. I was shocked, driving by churches during service times, to see numerous kids being kept outside by a few adults who were doing it, as it seemed, as a job. Later on I learned that it was indeed a job, whether on a professional or volunteer basis. I was shocked to learn that it is a common assumption to keep kids in day care-like settings while the adults are attending the service. These kids were old enough to be required to sit or stand quietly and respectfully not only for an hour but also for a couple of hours in any place accessible to other people where respect for the other people is required. Their parents failed to have taught them that and preferred to leave them out. They were not trying hard, they just passed the problem onto somebody else, and these kids did not learn that they should be respectful. There are also parents who do not leave their kids out but take them inside and allow them to ruin other people’s experiences with God. These are not trying at all, either.

When I was taken to church as a kid, kids of all ages, including toddlers, were strictly required to stand still and quiet during the whole service. They were also required to give up their seats for adults, and it was strictly enforced, except for the service for children when they had priority seating. The kids’ service did not mean a kid could be rude, it only meant the intellectual level of the service was adjusted to the youngest minds. When a kid exceptionally tried to be disruptive, also during the kids’ service, the preacher required the parents to remove it and did it publicly, right from the pulpit using the microphone for everyone else to hear. It was an extreme shame for the parents to be brought to order for being disrespectful and an effective measure to provide peaceful services. It was not the “old good days” thing as that society still conducts services the same way now. When I travel to different countries and go to services of different denominations (driven by a traveler’s curiosity of the culture, not for worship), I never see or hear children being rude or being kept in separate places to prevent rudeness. They are strictly required to have basic respect just as I was.

The authors of the articles that promote the fad of more acceptance for extreme rudeness should rethink what they write because they have two problems. First – the information they spread is simply not true because parents not only do not try hard; they do not try at all. In these very few exceptional cases when they seem to try a little bit, they give the kid an order, let the kid totally ignore it, and do nothing to enforce it, thus, setting themselves for a total parental failure. Second – kids’ rudeness in public places is absolutely unacceptable and should never be promoted in the media or otherwise as normal kids’ behavior or as a behavior that should be accepted or excused by polite people. This approach is very harmful, not only for the society, but also for the kids themselves. Every attempt of unacceptable kids’ behavior must be curbed immediately when it starts. The society should strictly enforce order and respect.

American kids as the best birth control method

The cover story on childfree people in the Time magazine did what the childfree in this kid-obsessed country really needed: it triggered a lot of discussion on the subject and became an important milestone that contributes to a broad recognition of opting out of having a child as a valid choice of responsible people. Hopefully, it will mark the beginning of the end of the discrimination of the childfree. The article is somewhat shy in its attitude and a bit suppressed by the kid-obsessed culture, trying to pass a very important message without shocking the aggressive kid-worshiping crowd too much. Nonetheless, its importance should not be underestimated.

What the author did not acknowledge, whether because she is not aware of it or because she decided to assume the method of one step at a time and did not wish to be too shocking all at once, is the American kids’ extremely rude and unsanitary behavior that makes many people not to want to have a child. Other articles I read that followed in other media did not mention this reason either.

Childfree Americans, when asked by the media face to face about the reason for which they chose not to have a child, usually make shy comments like “no, don’t get me wrong, we don’t hate kids, we just don’t want any”, “I love kids, I just don’t want any of my own”, or “I like my life the way it is, no need to change it”. In many cases, of course, this is true and some people may indeed not have other reasons for being childfree. However, a quick glance at childfree forums is enough to notice that many people choose not to have children because the children’s rudeness and lack of hygiene they are exposed to in public places or in private homes is repulsive to them. They were harassed by the kid-worshiping, aggressive people into silence about it, but their true thoughts can be found thanks to the safety of anonymous online discussion forums.

Let’s face the facts: American kids are extremely rude, talk back to adults, do not respect the elderly, scream, yell and run wild in all sorts of public places, have no basic table manners, eat with open mouths, make a mess on and under the table, throw food around, keep their hands in their mouths and noses and touch objects and people subsequently, slobber all over everything, do not cover their coughs and sneezes, and the list could go on and on. Moreover, parents behave in a very unacceptable and unsanitary way by changing diapers around food, for example, on tables or in grocery shopping carts. This behavior is not normal and does not happen in respectful cultures but young Americans who do not travel or do not have immigrant friends cannot know it. This is what they are exposed to and this is what they think is standard behavior of a child. No wonder they find it discouraging.

Let’s look at it closer.

Public places in America are full of very rude, disrespectful kids. The level of their disruption is tremendous and unheard of in many other cultures I have lived in or traveled to. The worse of all is their ear-piercing screaming for no reason, as if someone was slicing them alive and also their running wild with absolutely no regard for other people. No, I am not talking about playgrounds. This happens in offices, restaurants, movie theaters, stations, airports, on airplanes, trains and buses, in stores, supermarkets and shopping malls. Even bookstores and libraries do not escape from this pattern. To make things worse, this behavior typically is not followed by any reaction of correction or discipline from the parents, businesses, or other members of the society. The atmosphere of kids’ impunity prevails, and they do not learn how to behave respectfully. This is not normal children’s behavior. Although in kid-obsessed America it is the standard, this behavior is not inherent to a child. It is the result of a parental failure.

All this behavior is easy to eradicate with the minimum of consistent teaching and training. However, I am not surprised that so many people got convinced that rudeness is in kids’ nature. If they do not know other cultures, and 99% of the kids they are exposed to are so rude, what other conclusion can they draw from the experience? No wonder they do not want someone screaming, talking back, and bouncing off the walls in their household.

Countless times I have seen kids making a total mess in restaurants. No, I do not mean babies, I mean older kids that should have been taught table manners long before. In kid-obsessed America, food scattered all over the table and under the table is nothing unusual. Parents fail to curb this behavior in respect of other customers. The stories of wait staff on childfree forums are appalling. These parents are also not any better in their homes or as guests in other people’s homes. Although this part I know only from other people’s stories; I am outraged by what parents and relatives allow kids to do: Throwing food around, at the walls and on the carpet, sneezing into a cake, taking a bite and putting that cookie back for other guests and spitting up food on the plate are only a few examples of horror stories from parties in American homes. I was appalled to read a story of an American mother who not only lets her kid throw noodles all around, including on the carpet, but does not even clean it immediately. She waits a day until they dry out and vacuums them. No wonder cockroaches are a plague in this country.

All the above is absolutely not normal childhood behavior. It is a failure to teach the kids basic respect and a total lack of respect for the guests. Children can be taught manners and in respectful cultures they get polite behavior instilled in them from a very young age. Moreover, every misbehavior is consequently curtailed by adults or older kids in the same second when it starts. However, how can young Americans know that if all they are exposed to is extreme lack of manners and no discipline? No wonder contact with children is the best birth control method to them: Who would want this kind of mess at home?

American kids are very disobedient, thus, managing them is much more difficult and time consuming then managing a higher number of children in the cultures in which they are taught obedience. I have never seen anyone in the cultures I know taking so much time packing their children to go out. I was never exposed to “tantrums” or “meltdowns” because they did not exist. Also, I have never seen parents begging their kids to comply with adults’ requests. Most parents I know manage their kids by giving simple commands and orders that the kids obey immediately. They get dressed, eat, and get packed into a car or into a stroller in no time. In kid-obsessed America, it takes forever because the kids disobey, throw tantrums, have meltdowns, or mess up their clothes on the way out and have to be changed. They are allowed to fuss about what to wear, what toys to take (and end up taking a truckload of them), run wild and yell, which makes getting ready a never ending story. As this is what Americans are exposed to, whether in person by being a guest, or in their friends’, coworkers, or relatives’ stories, they should not be blamed that they do not want kids. Who would want all this? They simply do not know that kids can be obedient and easily managed.

American childfree people often write online the following imperative statements: kids are messy, kids are rude, kids are disgusting, kids are noisy, and hundreds of other descriptive adjectives. This is what Americans see in their day-to-day life. It does work as the best birth control method. If this is all they see, not knowing that this behavior is abnormal and with the minimum of consequent (with an accent on “consequent”) effort every rudeness attempt can be eradicated, they will be abstaining from procreation in even larger numbers in the future.

Parents should not be surprised that seeing the disastrous results of their inordinate kid-worshiping incarnated in their disrespectful, entitled, and self-centered child, people opt out of parenthood. Instead of pointing their blaming fingers at the childfree, they should reconsider their own behavior, correct their failures, and show the younger generation entering their reproductive age that a child can be taught respect, politeness, and cleanliness.

It does take a village, but…

It does take a village to raise a child, but American parents do not understand this saying right. They want to eat their cake and have it too. They gladly accept privileges granted by the society, like child-related tax breaks and public schools, but they reject societal corrections of their parental failures. In a real village, things do not work this way.

In a village, or, in other words, in a participating society, parents cannot have privileges without having duties or trade-offs. In a village, parents get a lot of help and support from other villages, but they must live by the village’s standards. If they transgress them, they humbly accept and comply with the other villagers’ reprimands as well as apologize for their violations.

In a village, kids obey and respect adults. If they infringe on the adult’s rules, they are disciplined by any adult, be it a parent, an older child, or a relative, be it a complete stranger who just happens to catch the kid’s wrongdoing, or who is offended by it. Parents do not object to the discipline, and by no means get aggressive about it, but also apologize to the strangers for all the trouble. They know that other “villagers” are responsible, consistent, and do not discipline any kids for no reason.

American parents have a serious problem with both complying with the rules established by the society for everyone, and even a worse problem apologizing for their kids’ disrespectful behavior. The best example is the one of kids’ extreme rudeness in public places: Americans not only fail, or even totally refuse to keep the kids respectful, they also refuse to recognize a reason for apology, and become hostile towards any “villager” who gives them a well deserved and justified reprimand. For example, when someone brings a parent to order for allowing the unsanitary kid slobbering all over the fruit in a supermarket, the parent should respectfully apologize for its behavior and start teaching the kid respect and hygiene. There is no reason to get hostile: in a village, all villagers want all the best for your kid.

In a village, kids are often outside on their own, with no constant adult supervision. Adults may take a look occasionally, but not spend the whole time watching kids play. The condition is: they must play in a way that respects the neighbors. In case of serious problems, they may count on any member of the society for an intervention (for example: to inform the parent that something happened to the kid or to call an ambulance). That does not mean that people use their neighbors as free babysitters or servants. This behavior would be unacceptable. Other people step in as a courtesy, out of compassion or if a kid is offending them and depending on the case, offer assistance or discipline.

In a village, parents do not display any sign of entitlement just because they have kids. Any assistance from any “villager” is just his or her courtesy and favor, and even if showed often, it does not mean parents have a right to it. American parents clearly violate this village habit with their entitlement minded approach, raising their also entitlement minded, spoiled kids.

In a village, all members of the society act in a very consistent manner towards kids. They do not have any fads or “parenting styles” created by “experts” of doubtful credentials, and changing every time the wind blows. They know how to do it because they grew up in the same participating society. All of them: a grandfather of 8, a middle aged nun or a ten year old kid have a lot of experience in dealing with children because this is the way they have always lived in the village. They naturally assume disciplining or sometimes protecting children, whenever needed, the same way they naturally assume breathing air or eating food: they have been doing it all their life and it is their nature.

In America, parents have a serious problem. They expect the whole society to accommodate their whims, fads, and “parenting styles”, and their usurped “right” to be rude in public. They also belligerently question other people’s disciplining skills based on the single fact that the person does not have his or her own biological child, as if the mere act of reproduction had any impact on the ability to raise a respectful kid (actually, American parents are the best evidence of the contrary). In a real village-like, participating society, they would have to comply and apologize.

In a village, if taxpayers sponsor child-related facilities, the purpose of it is not to worship somebody’s kid. The purpose is to ensure progress, development, and respect in the society as a whole. In a village, public schools educate and teach, but also discipline the children and correct parental failures, if the young ones show signs of any. Parents respect teachers’ decisions because they know the school has the same goal as themselves: to raise respectful children into a respectful society. They do not undermine the teachers’ work and punish their kids if teachers report to them any misbehavior attempt that was curtailed at school. The same applies to public day care centers (in this case mostly in European societies) that are subsidized by the taxpayers. They are not treated as a low cost child storage, but rather as an extension of home, with consistent supervision, care, and discipline.

In kid-worshiping America, consistent raising of respectful children is sabotaged by helicopter parents blaming the teachers for giving their bratty kids well deserved reprimands for transgressions. Instead of cooperating with the school, these parents seriously harm their children by breaking away from the consistency provided by the village through the school.

In a village, kids learn to solve their own problems all by themselves. Adults are occupied with adult matters, like earning a living, and govern their kids’ behavior from some distance in order to give the children freedom to learn. They do not run after the kids all the time, everywhere, to overprotect their oversensitive snowflakes from what life around other kids may bring. Instead, they let the kids play, argue, and fight, and step in only if there is blood or broken bones. They can count on other villagers who occasionally take a look at the kids, and return the favor whenever an opportunity arises. These kids grow up to be very self-reliant, respectful, and their conflict solving abilities in workplaces are impressive.

Unfortunately, kid-obsessed American parents deprive their children of this valuable experience, thus, hurt their development. Their overprotected, overworshiped little dictators grow up to be incapable of solving conflicts, insecure and self-centered. None of these characteristics are useful in a “village”.

In a village, screaming is a sound of alarm, not fun. Children, from the youngest age, are trained not to make any unnecessary noise that would disrupt other people’s peace or offend them. They scream when something very serious happens, for example, an accident. Villagers know that they should run immediately to rescue the kid whenever they hear a scream. American parents fail terribly to teach their kids to keep respectfully quiet, especially in public places. In a village, both the parents and the kids would be brought to order for this.

In a village, the elderly enjoy well deserved respect. They are given priority and privileges resulting from life experience and wisdom, but also from declining energy and health. Kids, as younger and more energetic, must give up their seats for all adults, but for the elderly especially, and usually do it immediately without any additional requests from adults because they are raised to do so. They also run errands for their elderly relatives or neighbors, or help the lady from the fourth floor carry a heavy shopping bag to her apartment.

In kid-obsessed America, people seem to have a big problem with this village rule. Not only do entitled parents put their small kids on separate seats while adults are standing instead of holding them on their laps, they also take kids out of strollers and put them selfishly on separate seats. To make things worse, people give up their seats for school kids who have enough energy to jump like monkeys and yell outrageously with no reason and logically should have all the energy to stand still respectfully. It does not occur to the eight year old princes or princesses to give up their seats for the seniors. The parents fail to teach them, the schools fail to correct it, and other passengers fail to enforce it and discipline the ill-mannered kids. In a village, this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

It does take a village to raise a child but parents have to take the village as a package. It does not work if only the privileges that suit them are taken out of it.

The “kids will be kids” excuse

Countless times I have heard the expression “kids will be kids” in kid-obsessed America. It was totally unknown to me before, as the attitude associated with the expression was nonexistent in any of the countries I have previously been to or lived in. I figured out fast, however, that what it means is a simple, yet shameless justification of unacceptable kids’ behavior, a totally wrong assumption that all kids are extremely rude by nature and nothing can be done about it.

“Kids will be kids” is an absurd excuse so often used by slothful parents whenever someone else points out their child’s rude behavior. The latter action, deplorably, happens on way too few occasions because the exact same kind of parents, the oblivious and lazy ones who use the said expression, happen to be so aggressive that people are afraid of their belligerent reactions. When someone does have the courage to speak up though, in the form of a kind request to keep the kids respectfully quiet on a bus, to make them stop bullying someone’s dog with a stick on the street, to get them to stop throwing objects at people in a store, or to stop them from running wild in a bank, the “kids will be kids” excuse is shoveled down the polite person’s throat.

Way too often the above response from an aggressive parent leaves the person requesting the minimum respect speechless, as if the person did not know what to answer. It does not have to be this way though. Here are some insights:

Someone who assumes that every kid is rude and ill-mannered just because it is a kid, is not only highly disrespectful towards millions of polite kids out there and their respectful parents, but also very ignorant about child development and learning abilities, including abilities to learn the rules of politeness and respect. In other words, by saying “kids will be kids” this kind of parent insults not only millions of other kids, but also his or her own children, by implying that they are dumb by nature. Nice, isn’t it?

Kids are perfectly teachable, especially the young ones, but the process requires work, immediate reactions to undesired behavior, and above all consistency. It also requires a certain level of authoritativeness; however, most child-worshiping Americans are too soft on their kids. It is also important to start very early in a child’s life, while it appears most Americans postpone this teaching until it is too late, wrongly assuming that a young child is unable to learn or “just being a kid”.

With an adequate and consistent raising process, kids turn out very polite and respectful, and no “kids will be kids” excuses are needed when kids are polite kids. Do not let any failed, disrespectful parent make you think that it is otherwise. I will reiterate: kids are not rude by nature, they are not rude because they are kids, they are not rude because of their young age. They are rude because their parents failed to teach them respect and politeness.

Whenever I hear the “kids will be kids” excuse now, I recognize it as an aggressive and thoughtless response to my polite, but direct request to bring the misbehaving kid to order. My new answer to it is the following: “Kids will be polite kids or kids will be rude kids, depending on how you teach and train them. Yours are clearly extremely rude, they are offending me as well as other customers. You failed to teach them the minimum of respect for others. You must make them quiet (or seated or standing still).” I guarantee that this response, if pronounced in a calm, respectful, but strict voice, really works. I had many occasions to practice it, so nowadays it produces successful results.

I encourage everyone who is faced with the “kids will be kids” excuse to defend themselves. It is not as difficult as you may think, and even if you shy away the first time, you may rethink it, rehearse it, and the next time get him or her to comply and bring the kid to order. The impact of your little step for respect in public places for all of us is priceless.