Tag Archives: society

Why are American kids so unsanitary?

American children are very unsanitary. They cough and sneeze without covering their mouths, they drool and spit, hold their hands in their mouths and touch objects, or people right afterwards with hands sticky of saliva, they lick public objects, they throw food all around, they urinate in public pools, or take a bite of food from a buffet available to other customers and put it back to the container. This list could be much longer. I am leaving out public diaper changing as this subject deserves a post of its own.

I hear from many Americans, those offended by this kind of behavior, that kids are simply disgusting. They say it (or write it online, as most often they are too afraid of saying anything face to face) the way that implies that all kids are simply gross. This is not true, but these people were apparently not exposed to other cultures, and they do not know that children can act much better. Kids are not unsanitary by nature. They are so only when adults fail to teach them otherwise. Unfortunately, the said failure happens way too often in kid-obsessed America, so it is very easy to draw a conclusion that all kids are unsanitary by people who have never traveled to other countries.

The reasons for failure to meet basic hygienic standards by American children are simple:

Parents fail to teach them and enforce proper standards of behavior both at home and in public places.
People offended or disgusted by unsanitary behavior fail to require parents to bring the kid to order or to report this behavior to proper authorities.
Businesses fail to enforce strict hygienic standards on their premises and fail to remove parents and kids that do not abide by these standards.

Countless times I have seen kids in America sneezing right into fruit or vegetables in supermarkets. At first, it was too shocking to me to do anything. I just stood there, my jaw dropped to the floor, as I have never seen such behavior in any other society before. Worse, the staff was there, observing it and doing nothing. At that time I had no idea what public institutions have the authority to inspect and fine businesses for unacceptable hygienic standards. Now I know where to report it, and I also require the management to impose order.

Another time, later on, a kid behind me in line at the supermarket drooled copiously on the conveyor belt where customers put their food to check it out, and the cashier did nothing about it. I cancelled my credit card transaction, and left a cart full of products right there, informing the worker about the reason for my dissatisfaction. Now, knowing better how things work in America, I would rather inform the management and the owner about why they lost my business forever. The place where this incident occurred was a health food store, or rather a germ food store; if they label themselves as “health”, they should keep healthy standards.

Another example: at a farmers market, a woman arrived with a kid that sprung wild out of the car, ran right to the stand with strawberries, and touched all of them with hands taken right out of the still drooling mouth. The farmer did nothing: Did not bring the kid to order, did not require the woman who failed to supervise the kid to buy all of them and did not throw them away. They were most likely sold to the next customer, together with the germs. Back then, I only informed the farmer that I will not spend money on her products for this reason. If this happened now, I would have taken her car’s license plate and informed proper authorities about her failure to ensure hygienic standards of the food products she sells.

I will not list all those times on the New York City Subway or NJ Transit when kids sneezed on people, touched them with dirty hands sticky from snots, kept dirty feet on seats, or licked the poles people hold on to, and their guardians did nothing about it. This behavior is simply selfish, as it threatens public health.

I also read about many cases of kids spitting into buffets, or taking a bite of food and putting it back, with the staff standing nearby, and doing nothing. This is unacceptable, and if you see something similar, you should take the steps listed below. Now I do it, too. It took me some time to get out of the shock when seeing this kind of behavior and to learn proper reporting procedures, but now I always take an action; simply taking other people’s health into account: someone who comes after me may not see what I saw and buy the contaminated food product. It is selfish not to take an action.

There is a lot that adults can do to teach the kids sanitary behavior, and millions of people all around the world succeed in training children, without even putting much thought into it. They do it because this is the way they grew up, and this is the way everyone around them does it. Kids, starting at the youngest age, one to two, are perfectly teachable and trainable to meet the standards of basic respect and hygiene. It is enough to simply grab the hand the kid puts into its mouth, take it out and say, in a strict and short manner: “don’t do it”, or take its hand when it starts coughing, bring it to its mouth and cover it, saying firmly “cover your mouth”. Clear and short requests are the key here. If you do it consistently two or three times, I guarantee the kid will learn.

At this point, Americans will, as usual, claim that their bundle of germs (the kid) of this age does not understand neither the teachings nor orders. True, but understanding is irrelevant at this point. A child does not have to understand it at all, it just needs to develop a good habit, or quit the bad habit automatically. With proper training, good habits will become second nature very soon, just like breathing air. Understanding respect and hygiene will come later on an adequate level of maturity. Kids are smart and learn quickly. Unfortunately, American parents greatly underestimate these abilities, and end up having rude and unsanitary kids.

In my elementary school, kids were punished by teachers for unhygienic behavior, and rejected by other kids for the same reason. It did not happen too often because, by the time we went to school, parents, relatives, and day care teachers taught us how to behave respectfully in a society. However, if an accident of forgetfulness occasionally happened, we could always count on the teachers or other children for corrections.

Some people may claim: “but there are so many adults sneezing or coughing without covering their mouths, or doing other disgusting things”. This is the sad truth, but this happens because their parents failed to teach them respectful habits when they were kids, later on their school failed to correct their parents’ failure, and the society failed to protest against their rudeness. Teach the kids respect and they will grow up to be respectful adults.

What can all of us do to eradicate unsanitary kids’ behavior?

Require the parent or sitter to respect us and bring the kid to order, and do it strictly, do not accept the “it’s just a kid” excuse. Remember: kids are teachable from the very early ages.
Require the business management to enforce proper sanitary standards, and remove the violator, if necessary. If the manager talks back, justifies unsanitary behavior, or does not seem to see anything wrong about it, report it to the owner. If you spend money there, imagine that your credit card is your voter’s card. You can make a difference.
Report lack or violation of sanitary standards, especially in food handling businesses, to proper authorities. Since I learned the proper authorities in charge of food safety, I do it every time I see a violation. These authorities differ from state to state. It can be health, business, or agriculture departments. The easiest way to find them is to Google: “how to report unsanitary conditions + your state”. They often have easy to fill online report forms, or special phone numbers for reporting. Do not forget that someone’s health may depend on your report.

Do not be afraid to point out the unacceptable behavior. I know they told you throughout all your life that kids are sacred. They are not, and if they are doing something wrong, it is your right to require to end the violation.

If the above cases of failure to comply with minimum hygienic standards happened in other countries, i.e. in many of the European countries, the businesses would make the parent pay for all the items contaminated by the kid. Also, the customers would report the unsanitary behavior to the authorities, and the businesses would pay huge fines. Whether the sanitary standards in America remain as low as they are, or get better depends on you. You should not hesitate to react.

Why are American parents so aggressive?

When I was a child, I loved animals (and still love them), especially the little ones of all species. My mother once told me: “Do not approach a female animal when she has her puppies or kittens, she may scratch or bite you because she may think you want to hurt them”. No animal has ever bitten or scratched me, and I did not understand my mother’s warning until I moved to kid-obsessed America and had my first encounters with aggressive parents of extremely rude kids.

In a respectful society, if you point out child’s inappropriate behavior, it is an incredible shame for the parents that they failed to teach it respect so terribly, that a stranger has to request them to impose order. They apologize to the stranger and discipline the kid immediately. These situations do not happen too often because kids are generally polite and only on rare occasions strangers have to intervene, but shame, apology and discipline are a typical reaction.

In kid-obsessed America it is the opposite. Parents do not want to admit their failure. They refuse to admit their kids’ rude or offensive behavior. They consider their kids the center of the universe entitled to do whatever they want, wherever they want, and to whoever they want, and turn very belligerent in defense of this undue entitlement.

For example, if you request them to do something as basic as make the kid stop yelling (not crying, just yelling out of its whim) in public transportation or in a waiting room, instead of politely complying, they turn hostile. If you request them to hold their kid running up and down the aisles in a restaurant or on a plane, instead of apologizing for their failure, grabbing the kid and putting in a seat, they become aggressive.

There are some regional differences between the above described Northeastern United States plus California and, for example, Texas. Texans, when asked to bring their kid to order, comply, with that “o.k., o.k.”, pronounced in a sulky tone as if they were doing you a huge favor. However, they still fail to admit their fault or failure and do not apologize or do not make the child apologize for the disruption they caused.

Why is it so?

One of the reasons certainly is self-centeredness of both the parent and the child. The parent was worshiped as a kid by kid-centered parents and society, and grew up with the sense of entitlement of someone who is the center of the universe. The kid is currently awed and glorified the same way or worse, and the pugnacious parent defends the kid’s usurped “right” to overtake all the public space with no regard to other people.

Another reason is a simple lack of manners. Ill-mannered people raised ill-mannered children and overreact when their lack of manners is pointed out.

There is one basic difference between the female animals my mother referred to and American parents: the former defend their offspring when it faces real danger and the later get hostile with no reason, out of simple entitlement.

The result is lamentable. The hostile reactions to kind requests for respect harassed polite people into silence. Pugnacious parents throw their weight around and other passengers or customers became too scared to demand the minimum of respect. This is very harmful to the whole society, but also to these kids themselves. Instead of learning peaceful and respectful coexistence, they learn that they are the dictators in all places, for all people, which leads to deplorable results.

People should not be afraid of pointing out rudeness and demanding respect. The belligerent parents may be initially very aggressive, but when encounter resistance, they give in. Their favorite attack to a polite request is yelling “mind your own business!”, which gives in to a simple, calm but strict “this is exactly what I am doing; it is my business to be respected by your kid and you must make it quiet / make it stop touching me / hold it, right now!”

After the first couple of times I was shocked to encounter a hostile “mind your own business!” reaction instead of a respectful and ashamed apology, and left speechless. However, the next time I had a ready answer, and I assure you, it really works. I tested it on the most aggressive and spoiled Manhattanites. Do not be afraid to demand your rights to be respected.

Afraid to point out the rudeness

Americans seem afraid to point out kids’ extreme rudeness in public places and to demand the minimum of respect for themselves. When in other societies their members would step in and require to bring the kid to order immediately, Americans shy away. Why is it so?

Countless times I have seen an ill-mannered kid disrupt public space with ear-piercing screaming and yelling, offend other patrons or passengers by kicking their seats, or expose other people to germs by touching their bodies or belongings with hands dirty with saliva or snots. Countless times I have seen adult faces clearly offended, shocked, or at least uncomfortable with the said behavior. Countless times I have heard in person or read on internet forums how annoyed people were with kids’ rudeness in waiting rooms, stores, restaurants, and public transportation. Unfortunately, I have not seen any reaction from these people at all.

I remember well this scene on the New York City Subway. A kid was moving a toy car right in front of a woman (a stranger, not a mother or relative) seated in the next seat. It was getting more and more obnoxious, clearly invading her space, almost reaching her face, and making engine-like sounds that were pretty disruptive. The woman was upset with this behavior, a look of extreme annoyance on her face. Yet, she failed to do anything to restore order. She should have strictly required the kid to respect her and stop it right away, but she failed to do so.

When kids are running wild in restaurants and disrupting the experience for everyone, it is also clearly visible on people’s faces that they are annoyed with this behavior. Unfortunately, and to the detriment of all of us, they do nothing about it. I am usually the only person to cancel my order and leave, informing the business of the reason. If disrespectful behavior happens in a restaurant, be it from an ill-mannered child, be it from a drunk person, every customer should require the business to restore order and respect, and in failure thereof, cancel and leave.

The internet is full of rants, vents, and complaints of people offended or otherwise annoyed by kids’ unacceptable behavior. People are too docile to react, to defend themselves, to protest and require respect. Instead, they submissively go home and vent online, which not only does not contribute to the improvement of the situation, but causes its deterioration by enhancing the obnoxious kids and lazy, disrespectful parents to continue the behavior. Silence is unspoken agreement with the present situation in this case.

Where is the problem?

Americans were manipulated by the kid-obsessed society and harassed into this level of submissiveness. They became so obsequious because they were made think that a kid is sacred and protesting against its rudeness is equal to protesting against its holy existence and against the institution of the family. It should not be like this though. Take a dictionary and check the terms: extreme rudeness vs. family. They are not synonyms.

If I acted like the kids described above, I would be disciplined immediately by a parent, relative, teacher, salesperson, waiter, bus driver or an older kid. If my parents were present, a stranger would bring me to order right in front of them, and they would be embarrassed that their failure was so serious that someone else had to step in. They would apologize to that person immediately, make me apologize and punish me severely for two things: for offending somebody and for bringing shame on them. It is not old-fashioned or outdated. Many modern societies still act this way, and obtain very good results. Remember: respect never goes out of style.

I know people can get easily intimidated by the aggressive American parents, but you should not let them subdue you. A servile compliance with their expectation to take kids’ extreme rudeness for normal childhood behavior is not a solution to the problem. It is actually an encouragement of it.

Calling attention to children’s rudeness and requiring to curb the said behavior immediately contributes to their education and to the society’s well being. It should be accompanied by a calm, but strict request to restore order and respect. All members of the society should step in immediately when rudeness starts and not give up until it has ended.

Crime and… wait,… where is the punishment?

All around the world kids get punished for their wrongdoing, be it disobeying an adult, be it disrespecting someone, be it trying to be rude otherwise. Not in kid-obsessed America though.

In America, kids get away with all kinds of inappropriate behavior you cannot imagine. They run wildly and yell outrageously in public places, talk back to adults, disobey, throw objects at people, destroy property, have no table manners, keep feet on seats, even spit chewed food out openly or throw food around. They even beat their parents – something so unimaginable in most cultures in the world – and are not punished for it. To make things even worse, too many people not only do not consider it wrong, but also think of this kind of behavior as cute or smart. Nobody reacts when a child misbehaves, neither the parents, nor the society. Encouraged by no discipline or even by applause from adults, kids get worse and worse in all kinds of rudeness and disrespect.

Can you imagine a thief breaking into your home and not being reported or prosecuted? Can you imagine other kinds of crime not being penalized? What would you think of the justice system if the society did not react to crime at all and if the government did not do its job in punishing wrongdoing? What would you think if people, when they hear about or witnesses some illegal act, reacted like: “oh, that’s so cute”, “that’s so clever”, “that’s so creative”?

I was lucky to grow up in a society that disciplined kids for all kinds of misbehavior. A child would not get away with any kind of rudeness or disrespect because there was always an adult – a parent, teacher, neighbor or relative – or an older kid to discipline it. The reaction of the society was immediate and the punishment unavoidable.

Years later, at the university, I attended classes in criminal law. When discussing the upsides and downsides of the death penalty, the professor told us that in order to be effective and a deterrent, a penalty does not have to be cruel, but it must be prompt and unavoidable. I learned this lesson in relation to crime, but at that time I did not yet relate it to life.

Only in kid-obsessed America, seeing all the unacceptable behavior by kids, I understood that the same principle was practiced every day by everyone in my society, that it was very effective and that it terribly lacked in this child-centric nation. The result of lack of this principle in force is deplorable.

In order to create a society with polite and respectful kids, prompt, unavoidable punishment and discipline should be instilled and enforced, not only by parents, but also by the society as a whole, especially by schools. In public places, everyone should react when seeing kids misbehave by requiring the parents to bring their offspring to order and restore respect. People should not be shy (unfortunately, in this kid-worshiping society they too often are) in demanding it. It is their basic right to be respected and to be able to enjoy public space.

Why are American kids so rude?

Americans are a kid-obsessed society. The center of their universe are kids. Their world revolves around kids. Their lives are focused on pleasing, spoiling and worshiping kids. Adults are at kids’ orders and mercy everywhere, all the time, no exceptions, no breaks, no excuses. Worst of all, American parents impose their outrageously behaving offspring on other people and harass these people into the belief that there is nothing wrong in the said behavior.

As a result of this omnipresent worship on one side and permissiveness on the other, kids are extremely rude, selfish and entitlement-minded. They have no respect for anyone, do not know any authority, do not know what obedience is and do not know a difference between a playground and an office or a bank. They fill all public spaces with ear-piercing and aggressive screams, monkey-like jumps (no offense to actual monkeys) and wild kicks, thus ruining the whole experience for everybody else out in society.

How come in other societies kids stand still and quiet as well as obey and respect adults? The difference is proper training in these societies and lack thereof in kid-obsessed America.

As a person who lived in other countries and traveled to six continents, I see clear and obvious differences in the way kids are treated between the societies where they are respectful and obedient and kid-obsessed America where worshiping them yields lamentable results.

In this blog, I will show the differences in raising processes as well as in the way the societies regard a kid and its place in these societies.