Tag Archives: unsanitary

American kids as the best birth control method

The cover story on childfree people in the Time magazine did what the childfree in this kid-obsessed country really needed: it triggered a lot of discussion on the subject and became an important milestone that contributes to a broad recognition of opting out of having a child as a valid choice of responsible people. Hopefully, it will mark the beginning of the end of the discrimination of the childfree. The article is somewhat shy in its attitude and a bit suppressed by the kid-obsessed culture, trying to pass a very important message without shocking the aggressive kid-worshiping crowd too much. Nonetheless, its importance should not be underestimated.

What the author did not acknowledge, whether because she is not aware of it or because she decided to assume the method of one step at a time and did not wish to be too shocking all at once, is the American kids’ extremely rude and unsanitary behavior that makes many people not to want to have a child. Other articles I read that followed in other media did not mention this reason either.

Childfree Americans, when asked by the media face to face about the reason for which they chose not to have a child, usually make shy comments like “no, don’t get me wrong, we don’t hate kids, we just don’t want any”, “I love kids, I just don’t want any of my own”, or “I like my life the way it is, no need to change it”. In many cases, of course, this is true and some people may indeed not have other reasons for being childfree. However, a quick glance at childfree forums is enough to notice that many people choose not to have children because the children’s rudeness and lack of hygiene they are exposed to in public places or in private homes is repulsive to them. They were harassed by the kid-worshiping, aggressive people into silence about it, but their true thoughts can be found thanks to the safety of anonymous online discussion forums.

Let’s face the facts: American kids are extremely rude, talk back to adults, do not respect the elderly, scream, yell and run wild in all sorts of public places, have no basic table manners, eat with open mouths, make a mess on and under the table, throw food around, keep their hands in their mouths and noses and touch objects and people subsequently, slobber all over everything, do not cover their coughs and sneezes, and the list could go on and on. Moreover, parents behave in a very unacceptable and unsanitary way by changing diapers around food, for example, on tables or in grocery shopping carts. This behavior is not normal and does not happen in respectful cultures but young Americans who do not travel or do not have immigrant friends cannot know it. This is what they are exposed to and this is what they think is standard behavior of a child. No wonder they find it discouraging.

Let’s look at it closer.

Public places in America are full of very rude, disrespectful kids. The level of their disruption is tremendous and unheard of in many other cultures I have lived in or traveled to. The worse of all is their ear-piercing screaming for no reason, as if someone was slicing them alive and also their running wild with absolutely no regard for other people. No, I am not talking about playgrounds. This happens in offices, restaurants, movie theaters, stations, airports, on airplanes, trains and buses, in stores, supermarkets and shopping malls. Even bookstores and libraries do not escape from this pattern. To make things worse, this behavior typically is not followed by any reaction of correction or discipline from the parents, businesses, or other members of the society. The atmosphere of kids’ impunity prevails, and they do not learn how to behave respectfully. This is not normal children’s behavior. Although in kid-obsessed America it is the standard, this behavior is not inherent to a child. It is the result of a parental failure.

All this behavior is easy to eradicate with the minimum of consistent teaching and training. However, I am not surprised that so many people got convinced that rudeness is in kids’ nature. If they do not know other cultures, and 99% of the kids they are exposed to are so rude, what other conclusion can they draw from the experience? No wonder they do not want someone screaming, talking back, and bouncing off the walls in their household.

Countless times I have seen kids making a total mess in restaurants. No, I do not mean babies, I mean older kids that should have been taught table manners long before. In kid-obsessed America, food scattered all over the table and under the table is nothing unusual. Parents fail to curb this behavior in respect of other customers. The stories of wait staff on childfree forums are appalling. These parents are also not any better in their homes or as guests in other people’s homes. Although this part I know only from other people’s stories; I am outraged by what parents and relatives allow kids to do: Throwing food around, at the walls and on the carpet, sneezing into a cake, taking a bite and putting that cookie back for other guests and spitting up food on the plate are only a few examples of horror stories from parties in American homes. I was appalled to read a story of an American mother who not only lets her kid throw noodles all around, including on the carpet, but does not even clean it immediately. She waits a day until they dry out and vacuums them. No wonder cockroaches are a plague in this country.

All the above is absolutely not normal childhood behavior. It is a failure to teach the kids basic respect and a total lack of respect for the guests. Children can be taught manners and in respectful cultures they get polite behavior instilled in them from a very young age. Moreover, every misbehavior is consequently curtailed by adults or older kids in the same second when it starts. However, how can young Americans know that if all they are exposed to is extreme lack of manners and no discipline? No wonder contact with children is the best birth control method to them: Who would want this kind of mess at home?

American kids are very disobedient, thus, managing them is much more difficult and time consuming then managing a higher number of children in the cultures in which they are taught obedience. I have never seen anyone in the cultures I know taking so much time packing their children to go out. I was never exposed to “tantrums” or “meltdowns” because they did not exist. Also, I have never seen parents begging their kids to comply with adults’ requests. Most parents I know manage their kids by giving simple commands and orders that the kids obey immediately. They get dressed, eat, and get packed into a car or into a stroller in no time. In kid-obsessed America, it takes forever because the kids disobey, throw tantrums, have meltdowns, or mess up their clothes on the way out and have to be changed. They are allowed to fuss about what to wear, what toys to take (and end up taking a truckload of them), run wild and yell, which makes getting ready a never ending story. As this is what Americans are exposed to, whether in person by being a guest, or in their friends’, coworkers, or relatives’ stories, they should not be blamed that they do not want kids. Who would want all this? They simply do not know that kids can be obedient and easily managed.

American childfree people often write online the following imperative statements: kids are messy, kids are rude, kids are disgusting, kids are noisy, and hundreds of other descriptive adjectives. This is what Americans see in their day-to-day life. It does work as the best birth control method. If this is all they see, not knowing that this behavior is abnormal and with the minimum of consequent (with an accent on “consequent”) effort every rudeness attempt can be eradicated, they will be abstaining from procreation in even larger numbers in the future.

Parents should not be surprised that seeing the disastrous results of their inordinate kid-worshiping incarnated in their disrespectful, entitled, and self-centered child, people opt out of parenthood. Instead of pointing their blaming fingers at the childfree, they should reconsider their own behavior, correct their failures, and show the younger generation entering their reproductive age that a child can be taught respect, politeness, and cleanliness.

Why are Americans unable to raise children?

Americans totally fail to raise their children. This is a fact that can be easily verified by spending a few minutes in any public place in America. Their kids are extremely rude, noisy, entitled, self-centered, and very unsanitary. These characteristics are so common that many people who have never lived in other cultures and were not exposed to polite, well raised children nor to a successful child-rearing process think that they are inherent to all children. No, they are not. They are a result of a parental failure and the easiest way to corroborate it is to spend some time in those societies that yield polite and respectful kids, for example, in sub-Saharan Africa, and compare.

In most societies around the world, people grow up in overcrowded housing developments exposed to relatives’ and neighbors’ kids every day and participate in raising them every day, just as their parents and grandparents once did. As kids are omnipresent, they interact with them a lot while still being kids themselves, they watch the adults discipline and punish younger children and repeat their actions in similar circumstances, learning this way how to raise them. They know when to discipline and punish a child and how: they also know how and at what occasion to praise it. They know what the desirable standard of behavior is as they were brought up to this standard themselves, and they see younger children being consistently brought up to the same standard. They know what behavior is unacceptable as they were disciplined and punished for this behavior and they see younger children being consistently disciplined and punished for exactly the same.

In these societies there are no “parenting styles”, “parenting experts”, or “parenting classes”. People learn all child-related skills while simply living their lives, and usually they learn it before puberty. They do not over-intellectualize the child-rearing process and apply what they have learned while participating in raising other “village” children. Yes, it does take a village, and in village-like, participating societies people have child-rearing skills and lots of experience before they actually have a child of their own.

American kids grow up in the luxury of separate homes, with their parents only, and are deprived of this valuable experience. They are not exposed to child-rearing processes, and the few of them who have much younger siblings usually witness their parent’s struggle and fail. Their contact with children is limited to occasional part-time babysitting in high school, or on holiday visits to their relatives. They are completely deprived of the valuable lesson of witnessing, participating in, and learning from a successful raising process. They start learning how to raise a child only when they have their own, and so often fail terribly.

As if this was not enough, they see outrageous children’s behavior in public places and entitled parents’ hostile behavior defending their offspring’s “right” to be rude being common that a pattern appears in their minds that this is normal, as this is the only way of dealing with kids they can observe. They witness the disregard and contempt Americans have for a participating society without being aware that rejecting the participation leads to failure in raising kids.

When their own children come into this world, they are lost. They resort to “how to” manuals of doubtful quality written by self-proclaimed “experts” who never participated in raising children except for their own and failed, and who never lived in or even visited a society with polite and respectful children. They resort to “specialists” in “child development” or “child psychology” spawned by universities after a few years of theoretical studies, who run their coaching sessions or write their books based on studies with a small sample group instead of lifelong experience in the cultures successful in child-rearing. They spend a lot of money on “parenting classes” and books or magazines of doubtful quality that are designed or written by theoreticians presenting latest fads of “parenting styles” that change every time the wind blows. By the way, did someone ever check how much all that “parenting style” market is worth? I bet there is huge money behind it. The results of following it are deplorable – American kids, extremely rude, selfish, and entitlement-minded are totally unable to live in a society and to respect the society they live in.

American parents should learn from the societies in which kids are really polite and respectful, like the sub-Saharan African ones, but instead, they dismiss these societies with the contemptuous labels of “poor” or “primitive”. Why reinvent the wheel? The wheel is already there, passed from generation to generation, in a consistent, unchanged form and yielding great results. The American attempts to design the child raising wheel, meanwhile fail and become farther and farther from the desired one, resembling a square rather than a wheel at this moment.

American parents need to wake up, rethink their behavior, and start learning from successful societies instead of learning from “experts” of doubtful credentials who earn a lot of money prescribing recipes for a parental disaster.

The unspoken permission that allows changing diapers around food

In respectful societies, the intimate, but abominable activity of changing diapers is performed discretely, in the privacy of a restroom stall, a special room, or another place where no outsider would be exposed to its nauseating smell or germs. Respectful and responsible parents plan their outings accordingly, as to limit the necessity of doing it outside of their home.

In kid-obsessed America, parents not only change diapers in public, in the plain view and to the disgust of other customers, but they seem especially likely to do it around food: on restaurant and cafe tables, on park tables commonly used by nearby office employees to eat lunch on, in airport food courts, on counters, or in grocery store shopping carts.

The first time I have seen (and especially smelled) changing a diaper in public was in an upscale department store’s restroom, where a changing table was located in plain view of other users of the said facility, without a stall. I was nauseated all day long after this experience. In the months to come, I learned that installing baby changing stations without stalls is a common practice of American businesses oblivious to the disgust of other customers using the same restroom. I was shocked! I do my business discretely and respectfully in private in a stall designated for it. Baby poop does not smell like roses either, and its place should be in a stall as well. However, the worst was only about to come. In the restrooms, there is at least no food.

I was left speechless when I first saw a woman changing a baby on a table in a restaurant in Manhattan. Luckily, I was not inside; I was just walking by, looking into display windows with my usual curiosity. The people inside did not react, neither did the staff watching the show from a distance from which it was impossible to miss. The other customers’ faces did not look too pleased, on some of them I could actually see disgust, but they did nothing. There was another lesson for me to learn later on: that people are too afraid to point out the rudeness, harassed into silence by parents’ hostility when their unacceptable behavior does get pointed out.

Overall, I saw diaper changing on tables or a parent putting a kid wearing a diaper only (no pants) on a counter where food is served, around twenty times. Manhattan is not the only place where I saw it, and white, wealthy people (assuming by their dress) are not the only violators, although they slightly prevail in number over people of all other ethnicities and income ranges in the multiple states that I saw this happen. Nobody ever protested. When I told my non-American friends about it, they were outraged and most of them said they would never visit this unsanitary country.

The most shocking fact is that it happens also in those places where you could get to only by car, which means all customers have a vehicle to do it in, yet they choose to disrespect other patrons and expose them to a health hazard. Also, it mostly happens in entertainment places like cafes or restaurants where people go for pleasure rather than for a life saving service, which means disrespectful people with little kids have no emergency to stay in these places, and if they do, they must respect other patrons.

A recent (a few weeks ago) situation of changing a diaper at a cafe is also a good example. A woman was changing a kid in the dining area. The staff, instead of strictly requiring this couple to leave immediately, gave them a rag to clean up but let them stay. The kid’s father became aggressive and the police had to be called. The media covered the case widely but no article ever mentioned whether any of the other customers left offended, which leads me to believe that, as usual, they stayed and did nothing. The management totally failed in handling the problem. They apologized to the violator couple instead apologizing publicly to other customers that were exposed to this disgusting show. I was astonished to read the comments under the articles: the overwhelming majority of them came from people disgusted by the idea of changing diapers in a dining area, many of them parents of young children who declared that they would never do that. Why don’t they then protest when something that unacceptable happens?

Another problem is kids in diapers (the idea of not putting pants on a kid taken to a public place is disgusting by itself and hot weather is not an excuse) in grocery stores’ shopping carts. A surprise can fall out of the diaper at any moment and the scientists verified that in way too many cases it indeed does. According to the research done by the University of Arizona, fecal bacteria were found in 72% of the carts. Pictures of people changing diapers in shopping carts can be found online. Other customers are clearly disgusted by this habit, yet they prefer to take a picture and post it in the Internet rather than bring the problem to the attention of the store management and require them to remove the parent as well as to report a health hazard to proper authorities. The stores do not clean the carts. They offer disinfectant wipes as an excuse, thus, implicitly telling their customers: be our free cleaners, wipe other people’s kids’ fecal matter. This is simply unacceptable.

I have never seen this kind of parents’ behavior in any other country, not even in those countries where most people use public transportation, thus have no car to change the baby in. They simply plan their outings between changing needs, leave the kid at home or in day care, or invite their friends home instead of going to a cafe. In America, where most people go everywhere by car, it is unacceptable that changing diapers around food happens. No changing table at a restaurant is a poor excuse; parents should call in advance and check whether the venue offers the facility or not. They should also stop their entitlement approach and remember that changing stations are offered by businesses as a courtesy, not a must.  If it is not available, that means the business caters more to adult clientele and this choice should be respected.

Changing diapers around food as well as installing changing stations without stalls should be illegal. It is a serious health hazard. There should be high fines imposed for it on both the parents and the companies on whose premises this happens. Businesses should remove unsanitary people with unsanitary kids as a minimum care for their customers’ health, and as a minimum of respect for them.

The most appalling point of this story is that people are disgusted by the practice of changing diapers around food, yet they give the unspoken permission to do it by not protesting whenever they find themselves around it. If you do not protest, you are contributing to this unacceptable behavior. You should reprimand the restaurant or cafe management, strictly require them to remove the violating parent and inform them that you will never spend money there again. There is nothing that hurts the businesses more then losing profit, and treating your credit card as your voter’s card is the best you can do.

Also, report a health hazard to proper authorities. They differ from state to state. The office can be located under either health, business, or agriculture departments. The easiest way to find them is to Google: “how to report unsanitary conditions + your state”. They often have easy to fill online report forms, or special phone numbers for reporting. Do not forget that someone’s health may depend on your report.

Do not shy away, do not let belligerent parents harass you into silence, do not fall into unjustified guilt. You are not doing anything wrong: it is the parent who is the wrongdoer. Protesting against or reporting changing diapers around food is no different than reporting theft – it is your clear “no” said to wrongdoing. Do not give your unspoken permission for unsanitary and inconsiderate behavior in public places.

Why are American kids so unsanitary?

American children are very unsanitary. They cough and sneeze without covering their mouths, they drool and spit, hold their hands in their mouths and touch objects, or people right afterwards with hands sticky of saliva, they lick public objects, they throw food all around, they urinate in public pools, or take a bite of food from a buffet available to other customers and put it back to the container. This list could be much longer. I am leaving out public diaper changing as this subject deserves a post of its own.

I hear from many Americans, those offended by this kind of behavior, that kids are simply disgusting. They say it (or write it online, as most often they are too afraid of saying anything face to face) the way that implies that all kids are simply gross. This is not true, but these people were apparently not exposed to other cultures, and they do not know that children can act much better. Kids are not unsanitary by nature. They are so only when adults fail to teach them otherwise. Unfortunately, the said failure happens way too often in kid-obsessed America, so it is very easy to draw a conclusion that all kids are unsanitary by people who have never traveled to other countries.

The reasons for failure to meet basic hygienic standards by American children are simple:

  • Parents fail to teach them and enforce proper standards of behavior both at home and in public places.
  • People offended or disgusted by unsanitary behavior fail to require parents to bring the kid to order or to report this behavior to proper authorities.
  • Businesses fail to enforce strict hygienic standards on their premises and fail to remove parents and kids that do not abide by these standards.

Countless times I have seen kids in America sneezing right into fruit or vegetables in supermarkets. At first, it was too shocking to me to do anything. I just stood there, my jaw dropped to the floor, as I have never seen such behavior in any other society before. Worse, the staff was there, observing it and doing nothing. At that time I had no idea what public institutions have the authority to inspect and fine businesses for unacceptable hygienic standards. Now I know where to report it, and I also require the management to impose order.

Another time, later on, a kid behind me in line at the supermarket drooled copiously on the conveyor belt where customers put their food to check it out, and the cashier did nothing about it. I cancelled my credit card transaction, and left a cart full of products right there, informing the worker about the reason for my dissatisfaction. Now, knowing better how things work in America, I would rather inform the management and the owner about why they lost my business forever. The place where this incident occurred was a health food store, or rather a germ food store; if they label themselves as “health”, they should keep healthy standards.

Another example: at a farmers market, a woman arrived with a kid that sprung wild out of the car, ran right to the stand with strawberries, and touched all of them with hands taken right out of the still drooling mouth. The farmer did nothing: Did not bring the kid to order, did not require the woman who failed to supervise the kid to buy all of them and did not throw them away. They were most likely sold to the next customer, together with the germs. Back then, I only informed the farmer that I will not spend money on her products for this reason. If this happened now, I would have taken her car’s license plate and informed proper authorities about her failure to ensure hygienic standards of the food products she sells.

I will not list all those times on the New York City Subway or NJ Transit when kids sneezed on people, touched them with dirty hands sticky from snots, kept dirty feet on seats, or licked the poles people hold on to, and their guardians did nothing about it. This behavior is simply selfish, as it threatens public health.

I also read about many cases of kids spitting into buffets, or taking a bite of food and putting it back, with the staff standing nearby, and doing nothing. This is unacceptable, and if you see something similar, you should take the steps listed below. Now I do it, too. It took me some time to get out of the shock when seeing this kind of behavior and to learn proper reporting procedures, but now I always take an action; simply taking other people’s health into account: someone who comes after me may not see what I saw and buy the contaminated food product. It is selfish not to take an action.

There is a lot that adults can do to teach the kids sanitary behavior, and millions of people all around the world succeed in training children, without even putting much thought into it. They do it because this is the way they grew up, and this is the way everyone around them does it. Kids, starting at the youngest age, one to two, are perfectly teachable and trainable to meet the standards of basic respect and hygiene. It is enough to simply grab the hand the kid puts into its mouth, take it out and say, in a strict and short manner: “don’t do it”, or take its hand when it starts coughing, bring it to its mouth and cover it, saying firmly “cover your mouth”. Clear and short requests are the key here. If you do it consistently two or three times, I guarantee the kid will learn.

At this point, Americans will, as usual, claim that their bundle of germs (the kid) of this age does not understand neither the teachings nor orders. True, but understanding is irrelevant at this point. A child does not have to understand it at all, it just needs to develop a good habit, or quit the bad habit automatically. With proper training, good habits will become second nature very soon, just like breathing air. Understanding respect and hygiene will come later on an adequate level of maturity. Kids are smart and learn quickly. Unfortunately, American parents greatly underestimate these abilities, and end up having rude and unsanitary kids.

In my elementary school, kids were punished by teachers for unhygienic behavior, and rejected by other kids for the same reason. It did not happen too often because, by the time we went to school, parents, relatives, and day care teachers taught us how to behave respectfully in a society. However, if an accident of forgetfulness occasionally happened, we could always count on the teachers or other children for corrections.

Some people may claim: “but there are so many adults sneezing or coughing without covering their mouths, or doing other disgusting things”. This is the sad truth, but this happens because their parents failed to teach them respectful habits when they were kids, later on their school failed to correct their parents’ failure, and the society failed to protest against their rudeness. Teach the kids respect and they will grow up to be respectful adults.

What can all of us do to eradicate unsanitary kids’ behavior?

  • Require the parent or sitter to respect us and bring the kid to order, and do it strictly, do not accept the “it’s just a kid” excuse. Remember: kids are teachable from the very early ages.
  • Require the business management to enforce proper sanitary standards, and remove the violator, if necessary. If the manager talks back, justifies unsanitary behavior, or does not seem to see anything wrong about it, report it to the owner. If you spend money there, imagine that your credit card is your voter’s card. You can make a difference.
  • Report lack or violation of sanitary standards, especially in food handling businesses, to proper authorities. Since I learned the proper authorities in charge of food safety, I do it every time I see a violation. These authorities differ from state to state. It can be health, business, or agriculture departments. The easiest way to find them is to Google: “how to report unsanitary conditions + your state”. They often have easy to fill online report forms, or special phone numbers for reporting. Do not forget that someone’s health may depend on your report.

Do not be afraid to point out the unacceptable behavior. I know they told you throughout all your life that kids are sacred. They are not, and if they are doing something wrong, it is your right to require to end the violation.

If the above cases of failure to comply with minimum hygienic standards happened in other countries, i.e. in many of the European countries, the businesses would make the parent pay for all the items contaminated by the kid. Also, the customers would report the unsanitary behavior to the authorities, and the businesses would pay huge fines. Whether the sanitary standards in America remain as low as they are, or get better depends on you. You should not hesitate to react.