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Kids must behave respectfully on public transportation

Recently I read an article by an entitled New York City mother describing her kid’s rude behavior on a bus, i.e. singing or talking loudly, that treated this rudeness not only as normal, but also as desirable and required other passengers to put up with it without a word of disapproval. She called it teaching her daughter how to be a strong woman. Excuse me? Last time I checked in a dictionary, strong was not a synonym of rude or disrespectful.

All kids should be taught to behave respectfully on public transportation from a very young age. A two year old kid must be able, and in most cultures in the world, is able to react to simple adult commands like “be quiet” or “sit still” and distinguish a bus from a playground. It is important that children learn what they see around them and it is natural to be excited about it, but on a bus, the only form of expressing excitement by adults or children is whispering.

The entitlement of the author goes beyond all possible limits when she suggests that if someone does not like her precious snowflake’s unacceptable behavior, he or she should move to a different part of the bus or get off and take a taxi. No, dear lady, you are seriously wrong. It is not the polite person offended by kid’s rudeness who should get off, it is you, if you do not want to respect other passengers. It is your duty to control your kid ,and if you refuse or fail to do it, it is you who should get off and take a taxi.

Unfortunately in kid-obsessed America, this kind of entitled and selfish behavior of a parent of an ill-mannered kid is not unusual. It is especially noticeable on New York City subway and buses. I witness it day after day, year after year. Children behave outrageously: talk very loudly, scream their lungs off, jump like monkeys or run wild, remain seated while adults, and especially senior citizens, are standing, do not cover coughs and sneezes, slobber the handles all over (no wonder swine flu was spreading so fast in NYC), touch people with dirty, sticky of saliva hands, etc. They are always accompanied by adults, yet these adults not only do nothing to bring their kids to order, but also encourage rudeness, for example, a guy I saw tickling the kid to scream even louder although the actual noise level was already unbearable and unacceptable. Young kids are also brought to public transportation by their irresponsible parents after midnight, which should not happen. Parents sometimes bring kids in strollers, and while on the train, take them out and put them on a separate seat while adults are standing. This is also unacceptable.

Other passengers are afraid to point out kids’ rudeness because entitled, hostile parents harassed them into silence. As if their silence was not enough, I saw people unduly give their seats to 7-10 year old, healthy kids that just a second ago had the energy to run wild.

When the subject of rude children in public places comes up, someone kid-obsessed wanting to direct the conversation to something else usually brings up people who talk loudly on their cell phones in public places. These people just forget to mention that the obnoxious cell phone talkers are these obnoxious, screaming, never disciplined children twenty, thirty, or forty years later, equally disruptive as during their childhood, just in a different way. Their parents failed to teach them respectful behavior in due course and the selfishness and disrespect continues, only the means change. No, someone’s rude behavior on the phone does not authorize someone else’s kid to be disrespectfully loud or jumpy. Both are highly unacceptable. Cell phone talkers should not be used as an excuse.

When I was a kid, children starting in first grade were riding public buses (there were no school buses) alone without accompanying adults. They were required to stand still and quiet. If they failed to comply, any of the adults would reprimand them. Kids’ rudeness did not happen too often, but on those rare occasions when it did happen, other passenger’s order enforcement was immediate and unavoidable.

I have used public transportation in many European and African cities, and I have never seen something like this. What attracted my attention in Europe is that parents keep children away from other passengers whenever possible. For example, when there are two seats next to each other (obviously assuming that there are no adults standing) and one of them is next to a person, the adult takes the later, thus separating the kid from that person, while Americans tend to do the opposite, put the kid next to the person and let it touch and slobber on him or her.

Another interesting point is the privilege of the kid riding free of charge. In many European cities, young children (under 4-6 years old, depending on the system) are not required to pay a fare under the condition that they do not take a separate seat. This tradeoff is very fair, but American parents would obviously want it all – take the privileges without the duties.

Also, it is very rare that a kid is loud, obnoxious, or jumpy on European buses, trams, or subway trains. Kids sometimes try it, but are brought to order in the same second. Sometimes I have seen parents quiet a kid down before it actually starts making any noise, apparently they know the kid, and they know what is coming.

All children, starting from the youngest age, must be taught to behave politely on all kinds of public transportation. They must be required to sit still and quiet; absolutely no screaming. They must give up their seats for adults, especially for senior citizens (with the obvious exceptions of disabled or ill kids), and if there are seats available, sit still and quiet with hands off the mouth, and no touching people. It is the adult’s responsibility to hold the kid and other people should not be burdened by it. It is the adult’s responsibility to keep the kid respectfully quiet, and if he or she fails, anyone should freely require to impose order and respect. Parents should not wait five minutes, or even one minute, to quiet the kid down; they should do it in the same second when it starts making noise other than a whisper. It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their kids the clear difference between a bus and a playground.

Polite people should not remain silent about kids’ rudeness. They should strictly and immediately require parents to discipline the child and to stop the disruption. Long commutes, stressful work environments, very early or very late working hours make subway or bus rides miserable enough. There is no need to put up with ear-piercing screams, singing, or to remain standing while a healthy obnoxious princess is seated. People have a sacred right to defend themselves from kids’ and parents’ rudeness, entitlement, and selfishness and should make use of the right as often as necessary.

Having kids does not cost that much, spoiling them does

I came across yet another article about the horrendous cost of raising children in America. It inspired me to write this post which is not in response to the above mentioned article in particular, but to all of the complaints about the high and growing costs of child rearing in general. Every time I read an article like this I wonder how does anyone manage to spend so much money on a kid that is not even grateful. Do people feed them gold flakes with diamonds? No, they just spoiled them too much with too many classes, toys, laptops, tablets and other electronic gadgets. There are two reasons for that: the culture of worshiping children and the inability to assess what is really essential and what is just another useless or even harmful expense.

American parents spend a lot of money on gadgets like hundreds or thousands of toys, fancy or too many strollers (new ones for each child), monster-sized yard playgrounds, inflatable castles, not to mention computer games, tablets, smartphones, computers, laptops for each kid, and other electronic equipment not necessary at this age. Does a kid really need a potty tablet, or a smartphone? I doubt it. If you really need to contact your school kid, a simple cell phone is enough.

Sometimes, driving by houses, I see this stuff, especially toys and strollers, laying about not in use, or in a yard sale. The items sold at yard sales will at least get recycled and some people will donate their stuff to charities, which is highly appreciable, but most of the purchases will eventually end up in the garbage contributing to environmental destruction.

What is the use of a new stroller for each kid if the old one is still in good condition? Why buy a new stroller at all, if you can take the one your friends have in their basement that is still in very good condition? Why buy tons of plastic toys? The Earth does not need more plastic and the spoiled child will not appreciate it anyway, maybe will not even thank you for it, throwing it in a deep corner of the room after two minutes. Why buy designer clothes for a two year old, or any new clothes for that matter? Your sister will be happy to give you the clothes your niece grew out of just a few months ago. Your daughter will not die from her cousin’s germs; washing them is enough. Are these items not fancy enough? Are you embarrassed to be labeled as cheap or poor? If so, say that this is for environment reasons, you will be called trendy.

Americans so often underline how they encourage kids’ creativity, yet they fail to involve their offspring in creative mending of damaged toys. They spend money instead of teaching children to release their creativity and make their own toys of fabric scraps, boxes or blocks of wood. My elementary school taught and actively encouraged these activities. I loved to make dolls and clothing for them using leftover pieces of fabric and yarn or making cars using boxes and colorful paper that would otherwise be thrown away. Yes, I was allowed and able to use a sewing machine at the age of 7 and no, it did not bite my hands off, I am typing this post using my 10 fingers. Why not encourage kids to embrace these kinds of activities?

Another issue is the price of food. How many times have you heard that food is so expensive, that prices are going constantly up and many people cannot afford organic food, thus eat unhealthy fast foods? I drive frequently around places with a small downtown area and large residential areas of houses with yards. Guess how many yards I have seen with vegetables growing in them? Zero. Z-e-r-o. People do not grow their food in their yards. I have seen four fruit trees altogether. Even these people, labeled in America as poor, although they would be rich in most places in the world, do not grow their food. They say they cannot afford organic vegetables. Can the nation really afford this kind of waste of resources? My aunt who lived with her elderly mother wanted to sow grass in their yard because she saw the beautiful lawns and hedges in American movies. Her mother said: Will you eat that grass? Are you a cow? They ended up planting vegetables, eating them when in season and making preserves for the period of time they are not in season. They were not poor, some peoples simply like to use resources wisely. How many Americans make preserves?

Why not teach the kids to grow vegetables? The whole family might enjoy doing it together. My cousins were required to work in their parents’ agricultural business starting at the age of 6 every day after school and after homework was completed, and worked longer hours during vacation time. I helped whenever I visited. We all enjoyed it. Now, as the older generation retires, one of them uses that land and the skills learned during childhood to run an organic farm. Her tomatoes are famous in the area for their delicious taste. Your child does not need to become an organic farmer in the future, but growing your own food is a valuable lesson of respect for work, respect for nature and brings a lot of savings to the grocery bill.

When people complain about food prices they also mean restaurant prices. Yes, restaurants can be expensive, but why not use them only for special occasions and eat at home everyday? No time to cook? Why not share the tasks with the kids, cook together and eat at home? It will be much faster if more people contribute to the work. You will also have an opportunity to teach them the table manners so many children in America lack terribly. By not taking kids to restaurants, you will not only save a lot of money, but also do a huge favor to so many people who, each day, are exposed to uncontrollable rude behavior of ill-mannered kids in those venues. Unfortunately, so many children do not appreciate the restaurant experience at all, and most of them offend other patrons being extremely rude, with their parents’ silent permission.

Way too often I see in public places obnoxious, screaming kids and parents stuffing candy in their kid’s mouths to keep them quiet instead of teaching them respect. Teaching the kids to stay quiet while in public places and to respect other people upon an adult’s request, not contingent upon a candy bribe, will save you money on junk food. You will also save a lot on dentist bills that can become very high, especially in case of children used to chocolate bar snacks to shut their mouths. Even if junk snacks are not used as bribes or as mouth stuffing devices, they are still unhealthy, as are sugary drinks. They can be easily eliminated, which will save a lot of money.

The vehicles people so often use to drive kids add up to the high cost as well. Minivans and monster size SUVs cost a lot. Why not use a simple sedan? People in other developed countries use them to drive kids, if they use any car at all, many kids are simply required to walk to day care or school, or to use public transportation, and their offspring usually turns out better raised. What would a kid need a huge vehicle for? Just another gadget out of the parents’ whim.

Private schools and extracurricular activities add significantly to the cost of raising children. There is no reason to exaggerate with using them. Kids really do not need lots of classes for all sports, all dances and two musical instruments. They will not become geniuses just because you drive them from one class to another and from one fast food joint to another in between and from one game to another all day long. Letting them play by themselves, together, without organized classes, and invent their own games may even do more good because it boosts the ability to think.

I understand that the cost of childcare is very high due to the lack of public, affordable daycare centers and high prices of the private ones. Public daycare works really well in many European countries. It not only stores kids when parents are working, it also teaches them social skills and corrects their behavior and manners when some parents fail. In America, there is a cultural problem though. Due to a gender discriminating assumption expressed by so many people that a permanently unemployed mother is the best for childcare, there is no push or lobby for creating public daycare and who knows when and if at all it will eventually arise. Until then, the cost of childcare will remain high.

Also, there are many other costs that can be reduced if the parents are spending money on these: Parenting classes, diapering classes, and lactation consultants. These additional costs are just another whim after all. Millions of people all around the world are doing much better without them.