Tag Archives: toys

Adjust the kid to the world

In most cultures I know, a kid is born into a society that is set up a certain way and must adjust to it and respect its rules. In kid-obsessed America, in turn, the world is adjusted to the kid with all the disastrous consequences.

In respectful societies, politeness is required from everyone, no exception. Children, from the youngest ages, are taught and trained the rules of polite behavior in the society. Wherever they are, they must adjust to the customs and rules in force in that society. When, for example, a kid is taken shopping, it must respect other customers. There is no running wild, yelling, screaming, or bumping into people allowed. Any unacceptable behavior would be curbed and punished by a parent, a relative, or an older kid, and in these rare cases of parental failure, the disruptive kid would be removed by the staff, to an immense shame to the parent.

The same applies to public transportation, street, theater, cinema, philharmonics, opera, museums, and a plethora of other culture-related places. The same applies as well to cafes, restaurants, other people’s homes when visiting them, parties, gatherings, waiting rooms, and many more. All of these places have their rules that apply to both adults and kids the exact same way. When yelling is forbidden or inappropriate, it applies to adults and children alike. When sticking one’s snotty finger into a cake is a serious faux pas, neither an adult nor a kid should do it. If holding silverware wrongly is bad manners, there is no exception for kids. When a child is too young to be physically able to comply with certain rules, it should not be taken to a place where these particular rules are in force. Too young to eat politely? It should not be fed publicly. The vast majority of children in respectful societies are able to comply with all the rules of politeness at a much younger age than their American counterparts.

In kid-obsessed America, people fail to adjust the kids to the world. They adjust the world to the kids instead. The results are deplorable. They do not teach children how to behave politely in public places or in other people’s homes. They do not require polite behavior either. Instead, they adjust the places to the kid. Certain businesses are the best examples.

I was shocked when I entered a car dealership in New Jersey to see a huge playground right in the middle of the building’s large open space, with no soundproof walls, actually, with no walls at all. There were kids there making outrageous noise and their parents doing nothing about it. To make it worse, the place was situated right next to the employees’ cubicles. I was appalled to observe how disrespectful it is of a business to put up a facility that encourages disruptive behavior and to expose customers to it. However, to expose office employees who cannot leave like offended customers can, and make them work in these conditions is much more disrespectful. They have to think, focus, write, and answer phone calls in this atrocious noise environment. It is very unprofessional to neglect the customers, the employees, and adjust the business to the rude kids’ whims. The kids should be adjusted to the situation that requires respect for the customers and for the people working there. They should be required to stand still and quiet next to the parents in respect of other people, or be removed immediately.

I saw the same idea in many banks, in many locations, distant from each other, which leads me to believe that it takes place all over the country. The only difference was that the playgrounds in the banks were smaller. Regardless of the size, however, the behavior they encourage is unacceptable for a place like a bank. Both customers and employees have to focus when thinking about money transactions, listening to or giving financial advice or reading an agreement they are about to sign. It is highly disrespectful of a bank to adjust its premises to rude, disruptive kids while it should respectfully serve the customers and require the parents to adjust the kids to the world, in this case to the purposes banks exist for. It is also shocking that the customers brainwashed by the kid-obsessed culture do not protest and do not require order to be imposed.

Play areas with toys exist also in waiting rooms in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. This is even more unacceptable than placing them in businesses like car dealerships and banks for a simple reason: sick people go there. Wherever sick people are, silence should be strictly required and enforced. It is unacceptable to encourage kids to yell and scream in medical facilities where people are in pain, and the play areas certainly encourage this kind of rude behavior because it is a given that American kids are not trained to play respectfully, i.e. quietly. More than anywhere else, the kids should be adjusted to the world they are brought to in such places. They should be taught not only basic respect but also compassion for suffering people.

The idea of playgrounds in bookstores is equally appalling, although for a different reason than the same idea in hospitals. Bookstores as well as libraries are places that by definition should cherish an intellectual atmosphere, silence, and reflection that is associated with books. They should require respect for reading and knowledge and instill this respect in the younger generations at the earliest age possible. Silence should be strictly enforced, which applies to both adults and kids. All kids should be adjusted to the rules that for generations applied to bookstores and libraries and unconditionally required all people to be quiet and respectful in the facilities. Playground type structures that encourage rude, noisy behavior should never be placed in venues associated with knowledge and reading.

Kid-obsessed Americans have this ridiculous idea that a kid should be kept entertained in public places. This is wrong because in this kid-worshiping society kids’ entertainment is always associated with making outrageous noise. Kids should be above all taught, trained, and required to respect. A respectful kid is able to stand or sit (if there are no adults standing) still and quiet in a waiting room, a bank, or a bookstore for as long as the parents require and need to do their business. There is nothing wrong in bringing a book or a quiet toy, but the emphasis should be put on proper training that teaches the kids to stay respectfully still and quiet in public places regardless of having any entertainment. Moreover, the above examples clearly show that having entertainment for kids does not lead to their respectful behavior. To the contrary, it leads to disrespect and unacceptable levels of noise in places where silence should be a rule.

It is different in Europe, where places like restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons with playgrounds exist. These, unlike the businesses in America, are geared and marketed towards people with kids, which is what distinguishes them from other restaurants, gyms, and beauty salons marketed to the general public. These businesses found their niche and cater to a certain clientele, providing additional services, i.e. babysitting in a separate room while the parents are having an adult conversation over dinner, are exercising or having their manicure or hair done. These places clearly advertise their goal and services, and it is impossible to confuse them with general ones. Catering to people with kids does not mean that kids can be rude and wild. I know a case of kids being removed from a restaurant for people with kids for acting as rudely as an average American child. They were adjusted to the world and removed for violating the rules of politeness.

People should never adjust to kids on public transportation. They should never give up their seats for a kid (unless the kid is disabled). The kids should be adjusted to the world which requires respect for adults, especially the elderly, and give up their seats for adults. Passengers should strictly request the kid to stand up or for the parent to remove it from a seat whenever there is not enough space for adults. If parents want to bring kids on public transportation, they must adjust them to the world.

Drivers should never be required to watch particularly for kids released wildly on roads just because their parents are too lazy to supervise or train them. The kids should be adjusted to the world in which roads are for vehicles, and they should either watch for cars approaching or stay within the parents’ property. Most societies in the world are set up this way and only in kid-obsessed America signs “Caution: Children at Play” exist as proof that Americans adjust the world to the kids.

The kids should be adjusted to the world and strictly be required to respect the rules. The world should not be adjusted to the kids and by no means should it be adjusted to their rudeness, disrespect, and lack of manners. Kids adjusted to the world grow up to be polite

adults as one must never forget that ill-mannered kids (the ones to whom the world was adjusted) grow up to be ill-mannered, entitled adults. Customers should not hesitate to require to impose order and remove rude kids. They should also not be shy and boycott the businesses that adjust to kids’ rudeness. They then should inform the manager or CEO why the company lost their business. There is nothing that gets the business’ attention better than loss of money other than bad publicity, which usually also results in loss of money.

Having kids does not cost that much, spoiling them does

I came across yet another article about the horrendous cost of raising children in America. It inspired me to write this post which is not in response to the above mentioned article in particular, but to all of the complaints about the high and growing costs of child rearing in general. Every time I read an article like this I wonder how does anyone manage to spend so much money on a kid that is not even grateful. Do people feed them gold flakes with diamonds? No, they just spoiled them too much with too many classes, toys, laptops, tablets and other electronic gadgets. There are two reasons for that: the culture of worshiping children and the inability to assess what is really essential and what is just another useless or even harmful expense.

American parents spend a lot of money on gadgets like hundreds or thousands of toys, fancy or too many strollers (new ones for each child), monster-sized yard playgrounds, inflatable castles, not to mention computer games, tablets, smartphones, computers, laptops for each kid, and other electronic equipment not necessary at this age. Does a kid really need a potty tablet, or a smartphone? I doubt it. If you really need to contact your school kid, a simple cell phone is enough.

Sometimes, driving by houses, I see this stuff, especially toys and strollers, laying about not in use, or in a yard sale. The items sold at yard sales will at least get recycled and some people will donate their stuff to charities, which is highly appreciable, but most of the purchases will eventually end up in the garbage contributing to environmental destruction.

What is the use of a new stroller for each kid if the old one is still in good condition? Why buy a new stroller at all, if you can take the one your friends have in their basement that is still in very good condition? Why buy tons of plastic toys? The Earth does not need more plastic and the spoiled child will not appreciate it anyway, maybe will not even thank you for it, throwing it in a deep corner of the room after two minutes. Why buy designer clothes for a two year old, or any new clothes for that matter? Your sister will be happy to give you the clothes your niece grew out of just a few months ago. Your daughter will not die from her cousin’s germs; washing them is enough. Are these items not fancy enough? Are you embarrassed to be labeled as cheap or poor? If so, say that this is for environment reasons, you will be called trendy.

Americans so often underline how they encourage kids’ creativity, yet they fail to involve their offspring in creative mending of damaged toys. They spend money instead of teaching children to release their creativity and make their own toys of fabric scraps, boxes or blocks of wood. My elementary school taught and actively encouraged these activities. I loved to make dolls and clothing for them using leftover pieces of fabric and yarn or making cars using boxes and colorful paper that would otherwise be thrown away. Yes, I was allowed and able to use a sewing machine at the age of 7 and no, it did not bite my hands off, I am typing this post using my 10 fingers. Why not encourage kids to embrace these kinds of activities?

Another issue is the price of food. How many times have you heard that food is so expensive, that prices are going constantly up and many people cannot afford organic food, thus eat unhealthy fast foods? I drive frequently around places with a small downtown area and large residential areas of houses with yards. Guess how many yards I have seen with vegetables growing in them? Zero. Z-e-r-o. People do not grow their food in their yards. I have seen four fruit trees altogether. Even these people, labeled in America as poor, although they would be rich in most places in the world, do not grow their food. They say they cannot afford organic vegetables. Can the nation really afford this kind of waste of resources? My aunt who lived with her elderly mother wanted to sow grass in their yard because she saw the beautiful lawns and hedges in American movies. Her mother said: Will you eat that grass? Are you a cow? They ended up planting vegetables, eating them when in season and making preserves for the period of time they are not in season. They were not poor, some peoples simply like to use resources wisely. How many Americans make preserves?

Why not teach the kids to grow vegetables? The whole family might enjoy doing it together. My cousins were required to work in their parents’ agricultural business starting at the age of 6 every day after school and after homework was completed, and worked longer hours during vacation time. I helped whenever I visited. We all enjoyed it. Now, as the older generation retires, one of them uses that land and the skills learned during childhood to run an organic farm. Her tomatoes are famous in the area for their delicious taste. Your child does not need to become an organic farmer in the future, but growing your own food is a valuable lesson of respect for work, respect for nature and brings a lot of savings to the grocery bill.

When people complain about food prices they also mean restaurant prices. Yes, restaurants can be expensive, but why not use them only for special occasions and eat at home everyday? No time to cook? Why not share the tasks with the kids, cook together and eat at home? It will be much faster if more people contribute to the work. You will also have an opportunity to teach them the table manners so many children in America lack terribly. By not taking kids to restaurants, you will not only save a lot of money, but also do a huge favor to so many people who, each day, are exposed to uncontrollable rude behavior of ill-mannered kids in those venues. Unfortunately, so many children do not appreciate the restaurant experience at all, and most of them offend other patrons being extremely rude, with their parents’ silent permission.

Way too often I see in public places obnoxious, screaming kids and parents stuffing candy in their kid’s mouths to keep them quiet instead of teaching them respect. Teaching the kids to stay quiet while in public places and to respect other people upon an adult’s request, not contingent upon a candy bribe, will save you money on junk food. You will also save a lot on dentist bills that can become very high, especially in case of children used to chocolate bar snacks to shut their mouths. Even if junk snacks are not used as bribes or as mouth stuffing devices, they are still unhealthy, as are sugary drinks. They can be easily eliminated, which will save a lot of money.

The vehicles people so often use to drive kids add up to the high cost as well. Minivans and monster size SUVs cost a lot. Why not use a simple sedan? People in other developed countries use them to drive kids, if they use any car at all, many kids are simply required to walk to day care or school, or to use public transportation, and their offspring usually turns out better raised. What would a kid need a huge vehicle for? Just another gadget out of the parents’ whim.

Private schools and extracurricular activities add significantly to the cost of raising children. There is no reason to exaggerate with using them. Kids really do not need lots of classes for all sports, all dances and two musical instruments. They will not become geniuses just because you drive them from one class to another and from one fast food joint to another in between and from one game to another all day long. Letting them play by themselves, together, without organized classes, and invent their own games may even do more good because it boosts the ability to think.

I understand that the cost of childcare is very high due to the lack of public, affordable daycare centers and high prices of the private ones. Public daycare works really well in many European countries. It not only stores kids when parents are working, it also teaches them social skills and corrects their behavior and manners when some parents fail. In America, there is a cultural problem though. Due to a gender discriminating assumption expressed by so many people that a permanently unemployed mother is the best for childcare, there is no push or lobby for creating public daycare and who knows when and if at all it will eventually arise. Until then, the cost of childcare will remain high.

Also, there are many other costs that can be reduced if the parents are spending money on these: Parenting classes, diapering classes, and lactation consultants. These additional costs are just another whim after all. Millions of people all around the world are doing much better without them.