Tag Archives: learning

A few words on heavily armored precious snowflakes

A couple of days ago I read a very interesting and inspiring article about kids’ bikes in America in the 1970s. After a memoir of the brands and types of bikes he and his friends rode as kids and of the fun they had, the author states something very thought-provoking: “Bruises, bumps, and bandages were like badges of honor, and I couldn’t wait to display mine on my trusty Schwinn Sting-Ray.”

Yes, that is so true. They were like badges of honor, like proof of the fun one had and like evidence of one’s strength and resistance to pain and hardship. In many societies in the world, they actually still are. When I travel across Africa, Asia, Latin America, and even many parts of Europe, I still see unarmored kids having fun riding bikes, playing soccer or other sports. They run in the streets and have fun. The parents do not excessively worry about them. The only conditions parents establish for their kids often are to be back home at a certain time, to have their homework done, and the most important, to respect the neighbors’ peaceful living (ear-piercing screaming like American kids make is unheard of and unacceptable, it is a sign of alarm, not fun).

I grew up the same way. As long as the weather allowed, after the homework and the chores were done, all the kids played soccer or biked outside. The parents did not spoil us with even basic equipment. We wore hand-me-downs, too large, too small, who would care? Only one kid on the block had a soccer ball. When he was away, we kicked a can or a bag stuffed with a rug and had just the same level of fun. No child ever wore any piece of armor, knee pads or elbow pads were unknown, and we would ridicule them anyway. Helmets were for motorcyclists or construction workers. Our soccer field was an abandoned piece of land with two rocks on each end instead of the goals. This way we learned quite a bit of negotiation skills in determining whether the ball hit the imaginary crossbar and never had a fight over it. As a goalie, I caught the ball barehanded until I found a pair of oversized, cement-stained gloves abandoned by a worker. This was actually the only piece of body protection equipment any of us ever used. My gloves soon became a legend, even among adults, and I was praised for creativity. None of my relatives would ever think about replacing them with sports store gloves.

When we were playing outside and the volume was getting a little too high, the neighbor living next to the soccer field came out to bring us to order. All of us apologized and obeyed. We knew very well that there would be no other warning, that he would go to our parents, and they would make sure that we never forgot the day we brought shame on them. We learned and showed respect; thanks to the adults’ consistency in disciplining us. I cannot imagine an average American parent getting over him or herself and letting other adults bring their worshiped princes and princesses to order or make their kid apologize for any wrongdoing. They are way too aggressive and entitled, which is harmful for both the kids growing up with the sense of impunity and for the society that is exposed to the spoiled and disrespectful kids.

I am very sorry for those heavily armored American kids out there (knee pads, helmets, elbow pads) as if they were going to fight a war, not to play. American parents are so obsessed about their precious snowflakes that their kids became socially disabled and unadjusted. They do not learn to live a normal life. The parents are doing them a serious disservice by depriving them of a valuable learning opportunity. If the kids are treated as if they were made of gold and diamonds, no wonder they are so entitled and think they are the center of the universe. When bruises, scratched knees, and bumps resulting from kids’ playing become not only a reason to panic, but also an excuse to sue, this is a sign that something in this kid-obsessed society has gone seriously wrong and needs rethinking and reconsidering, at the very least.

Companies’ marketing experts skillfully tricked parents into buying all that armor and make money off of their obsessions. Parents had an option to say “no” and let them go out of business, but in their kid-obsession and unreasonable overconcern, they chose to buy all the armor possible for their precious snowflakes. Who will make money next? Therapists hired to treat post-bruise and post-knee-scratch trauma?

When I was a kid, bruises and scratched knees were a normal part of life, children were proud of not crying over them and parents did not even comment on them. Excess blood, a bad deep cut that needed stitches, or a broken bone were the reasons to get adults’ attention and go to a doctor. When a toddler fell, an adult or an older child did not run for rescue, but said instead: “did you catch the rabbit (a falling kid looks like it is trying to catch something on the ground)? Where is the bunny, escaped? Well, you will catch it next time” or “it will heal by your wedding date”. A child, starting to cry, calmed down instantly hearing this, a smile soon appeared, and it learned that a scratched knee is no reason for worry. No child ever wore any piece of armor and no adult would ever think about depriving his or her child of the valuable opportunity of learning life. American parents panic when a toddler falls, make a big deal about it even if nothing happens, and it is their panic and excess worry that actually scares the child and makes it cry. This kid-centered, overconcerned approach is wrong and harmful.

I was shocked to read about an American woman who brought a kid with a scratched knee to the emergency room. I hope the staff had a great laugh after she had left. I was also shocked to see a women in one of the American city suburb-like, quiet neighborhoods walking on the street with an approximately one year old child strapped to her chest and wearing a helmet. Why would a kid need a helmet is beyond my comprehension. There was no hail forecast for that day. Would it be to protect the precious snowflake’s designer hairstyle from bird poop? How bad does it have to get for this kid-obsession trend to reverse?

“When I was a kid, and so on….”, someone would say about the nostalgia of the good old times, right? Wrong. When I visit the area where I grew up, regardless of the development and acquired relative wealth, kids are still playing in the streets, still playing respectfully (no excess noise, absolutely no yelling), and are still unarmored. Parents are still reasonable, not making a big deal over a bump or bruise, and disciplining their kids whenever necessary. They still do not protest when someone else brings their kid to order, as long as the kid deserves it. They still do not spoil their kids with too much equipment. All items to armor a kid are available in sports stores. People do not buy them because they are simply reasonable and not overconcerned. They want to teach their kids life. My parents’ generation grew up this way, and they turned to be respectful, self-reliant people, courageous and brave to bring the change that was most needed. My generation grew up this way, and we turned to be respectful, self-reliant people building stability, success, and growth. The next generation is being raised to be respectful and self-reliant as well.

I am also pleased to travel to many countries where children have the opportunity to grow up learning life, not being overprotected or overstimulated, but are very skillful in making toys out of anything: a stick, a can, an old tire, are happy and joyful, but also respectful and well adjusted to living in a society. Americans would greatly benefit by learning from these societies.

Kids must be taught how to deal with emergencies

A few days ago, a five year old kid who called 911 when the mother was choking made the news. What is so unusual about a kid calling to get an ambulance when someone is having a sudden and serious health problem? Nothing, but kid-obsessed Americans managed to make a big deal and front page news out of it.

In kid-obsessed America, anything a kid does, no matter how usual, is labeled as adorable and cute. It could not be different in this case. The comments under the news articles were ludicrous: “how adorable”, “so cute”, “most adorable 911 call ever”, “so adorable”, and a thousand more over-sweet adorables. The kid, in fact, did a good job calling for help, but nothing out of ordinary, and nothing more than what should be required from a kid of this age. It was responsible, right, timely, maybe even life saving, very well done, but neither adorable nor cute. This kind of action should be required from a kid of five as a standard, not praised to the skies as if it were a superhuman achievement.

All kids should be trained what to do in case of an emergency. The earlier, the better, for the kids themselves, and for their immediate environment. Calling for help in case of an emergency is essential, and this kind of training should not be omitted by the excuse that the child is too young. If it is indeed too young to know the digits, or even to know how to press a pre-programmed button to make a phone call, it should be able to run to the nearest neighbor and to seek the adult’s attention and help.

I was trained to address emergencies much earlier than at the age of five, and all kids around me were taught it as well. It was more difficult than in America because there were separate phone numbers for each service, like ambulance, firefighters, and police, not a general one which simplifies the training by a great deal. Still, it was not difficult for an average child to learn. I was also trained where the main valves for water as well as where the electric fuses were located in the house. I would not be able to turn them off by myself, but I was required to bring a neighbor to do it, and show him or her where they are located. I was taught what kind of emergency required what kind of action. I did not die from knowledge overload. I did not have a prospective emergency trauma either. My parents, in turn, felt safer when leaving for work, even if elderly relatives were at home at that time.

All other parents I knew efficiently rehearsed emergency situations with their young kids, as well as taught them basic responsibilities. At the age of five, kids were actually left at home or outside for some time and required to watch younger children: their siblings, cousins, or neighbors’ kids. All of them did it skillfully and responsibly. No immature or irresponsible acts ever happened. With proper training, kids are perfectly able to do it.

Americans greatly underestimate their children’s learning abilities, especially if it comes to useful things, and in fact, treat the kids as if they were mentally deficient. They place their offspring on pedestals and worship, instead of teaching them useful, life-related skills. Their kids are allowed to learn to operate devices like video games, TV sets, and other electronic fun gadgets, that require some minimum of skills to use, but the precious snowflakes would, in the obsessed parents’ opinion, suffer an irreversible trauma if they were taught something as simple and useful as how to operate a washing machine.

If a kid learns how to operate a computer, or a TV set, it must be able to learn how to call 911, or how to turn a washer on. These basic skills should be strictly required, not treated as extraordinary or heroic, and published as front page news with the laughable label of “adorable”.

A mother bans the term “fat” from being used in front of her daughters

The media reported recently that a mother of three daughters banned the term “fat” to be pronounced in front of her kids, to include her adult guests and friends.

It would be understandable and desirable if she banned this word to be used against overweight or obese people in order to respect them. The motivation was, however, very different from this.

The mother claimed that talking about weight and dieting in the presence of her kids is “damaging to their self-esteem”. She came up with this idea when her daughter told her “Mommy, I can’t drink soda because drinking soda gives you a fat tummy”, something the daughter repeated that a camp counselor allegedly said.

Well, it is a scientifically proved fact that soda actually does give you a fat tummy. Not only that, but above all, it damages your health. This is how the problem should have been discussed: from the health point of view. Yes, discussed, not avoided. Soda is bad for health, and it is never too early for a child to learn this simple fact: It does cause weight gain. Obesity and unhealthy weight in America escalated to epidemic levels; it affects a large part of the society, and the problem should not be brushed under the carpet. It is real, it is threatening and kids are exposed to it every day. An oversensitive mother banning the problem from being brought up will not solve it or make it disappear. Kids have to learn life. The kid should be adjusted to the world, not the world to the kid.

My generation of kids grew up in a politically instable country playing with wooden blocks as imaginary militia, soldiers, and tanks. This was the reality of our times. No adult ever banned the use of the terms “militia”, “soldiers”, or “tanks” from being said in front of their kids. None of the parents banned kids from watching the news either. This was the reality of our times, this was life, and we, the kids, had to deal with it on our own. None of the kids went to therapy because of this, and none of us had “issues”. We learned to live our lives in the reality that was out there. My generation turned out to be a generation of successful adults, building peace, democracy and the society’s wealth.

The kids made fun of me in elementary school because I wore glasses. I was actually the only one in the class who wore them. It did not affect my self-esteem at all, and I proudly wear my second pair of eyes now. They made fun of my friend who had red hair and freckles. It did not hurt her self-esteem either. Kids teased another girl who was slightly overweight (the only overweight kid around), calling her “fat”. They made fun of other kids for being different otherwise. Not only was the self-esteem of these children doing all right, but they also developed a really nice level of assertiveness when they had to push back other kids’ verbal attacks. When adults are responsible, not overprotective, and not litigious, kids develop abilities to defend themselves: That so useful in their future adult lives. By using every small excuse to claim bullying, or damaging self-esteem, American parents hurt their kids’ learning opportunities seriously.

Kids are sometimes mean to each other. This is the way they learn life. They create conflicts and learn to solve them. They solve problems actually really well and fast when left without adults’ interference, and by this way they are able to solve conflicts in the future, as adults, especially in workplaces. Conflicts are indeed solved easier, and do not escalate to the levels seen in America in the societies in which parents do not interfere in the kids’ conflicts. By interfering too much and too early during a kids’ course of action they deprive their offspring’s ability to learn how life really is, something so useful in the future.

Considering this entitled mother’s approach, I can picture her suing the camp for desecrating her precious snowflake’s innocent ears. The next step will be showing guests the door for defiling her oversensitive darlings with other terms related to human physique, intellectual skills, or status that might, in her opinion, negatively affect her daughters’ self-esteem. I am sorry that the kids’ life learning abilities are being curtailed by their mother’s absurd ideas.